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I've Always Been the Worst

But I can only get better.

Sometimes I think, will I ever be successful? 

It's hard. 

I can only strive to be the best I can be, but I realize those in front of me will never back down. They started before me with higher motivation than I will always have. 

I'll continue to be the shortest guy in school, the slowest guy on my team, and the worst athlete in all of my school. 

It's okay though. 

When you're the worst at everything, there's no getting worse. You'll only get better. That's the upside. People will be able to see your success, and once you see it too, you'll continue to excel.

When you're the worst at what you want to be good at, you can only see yourself getting better. You can see the changes in the mirror much more clearer, especially to the previous years. You can look in the mirror and see worthless trash until you vow to change yourself. When you do, it's not long until you stop seeing yourself as trash. You see yourself as the best improvement you've ever seen.

That's what I've learned.

I remember in my sophomore year of high school, I realized I wouldn't get anywhere without joining a sport. I was already good at something, sure. I was good at music and acting. But that didn't get me far. In fact, got me far away from far. 

I was the mascot because I knew I wouldn't survive if I did aggressive sports like football or basketball. That also left me time to do cross-country, therefore I joined the sport. I felt useless compared to the rest of the team. Everyone was running six minute miles and I was all the way behind running 12. 

My coach was always mad at me and two other boys because all we could do was walk. We didn't go far. I remember him yelling about us behind our backs, saying, "This is a varsity sport and I'm dealing with kids who can't even run the whole time." I ended up quitting due to shin splints. 

That year I joined track, but it was the same. I trained for long distance, but got demoted to doing 100 meter sprints until I got faster. I never really did.

Fast forward to junior year. I joined cross-country again, but still felt useless. I was able to run the whole time, sure. But I was still too slow. I was up to nine minutes, but not close to six minutes. I kept pushing and working, and I kept going harder and harder at practice until I was able to keep up with our third best male runner for about half of practice. I never gave up. I ended up getting a 22-minute 5k. I was the worst of all the guys, but I didn't care, because I was now on equal turf with the whole team. The girls on my team ran 23-minute 5k's. 

I've learned from being on the track/cross-country team that I'll forever be the slowest. I'll be able to run far, but not as fast as the rest. But when you go from the worst to better, people look at you and will say, "They've come a long way." That's the beauty of it. 

I'll be a senior in high school next year. I'm writing this because I'm trying to earn 5,000 dollars to compete at Down Under Sports in Australia. I want to get better. Now, however, I'm not doing it to fit into school anymore. I want to be useful to my team and I want to be the best me that I could ever be. 

I'll continue to train hard and so should you. I'll continue running for 15-30 minutes every other day, and you should find what you're training to do and find what works best. 

When you're the worst, you can only get better. 

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