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“Should.” What a great word slathered with constant personal expectation and doubt all at the same time. You ever found yourself at a crossroads? I have plenty of times. Most of the time, before I even let myself process what paths I had in front of me and really allow myself to choose one, I slather the word “SHOULD” all over them. Soon, "Should" adds onto constant suffering that we bring ourselves.
“I SHOULD already have done this.”
“I SHOULD know the next steps.”
“This SHOULD NOT be happening.”
“I SHOULD be strong ALL the time.”
HOLD ON, who said you SHOULD have it all together? Sometimes we don’t. In addition, within the times where we don’t have it all together, when life is a big mess with a cherry on top, THAT is when we find the most beautiful and encouraging experiences that teach us, mold us, and help us push through. That rock bottom? Why are we intimidated by it so much? Why do we constantly fear the bad things that are happening when we simply need to stop and process each one as an opportunity for some kind of growth? An opportunity to change, to do better, to understand what not to do next time.
When you expect things, you are literally setting yourself up for failure. Failure that you had the chance to easily process and let go of BUT since you expected something specific, now that “failure” is a big freakin' deal. It consumes you. Then you find yourself doing one of these: Drops pen, “OH! Look how freaking clumsy I am, I can’t do anything right! Can’t even hold a freaking pen with my fat fingers”….
Self-attacking—super healthy, right?
I too was a “should” person. I sometimes catch myself saying it too but I stop quickly. All the things I had to do, all the things I wanted to have, had “should” right infront of them.
“I SHOULD have this amount of money by now.”
“I SHOULD be this successful by now.”
Should was my best friend. And my best friend came with self-sabotage, doubt and wholeeee lottaaaa:
“You are messing up, Dee. This SHOULD not be happening.”
“Why can’t you get up and do this?”
“THIS SHOULD BE EASY.”
Look, if we were robots, we would be able to do everything according to plan. Let’s face it, that blueprint we have in our minds about how our life should be usually does not pan out exactly that way. We at times experience things we did not plan to. We love people whom we never thought we could. We enter uncomfortable territories when the entire time we thought that being comfortable was what was needed. Stop holding on to it trying to figure out why it didn’t happen.
Self-love, confidence, happiness, self-awareness, they all really have ONE thing in common and that is YOU. Your acceptance and perception of anything that happens. Even when it isn't on your "blueprint."
Please tell me, who gave you the idea that you SHOULD be at a specific place? At a specific time? This isn’t a race. So, STOP. Stop comparing yourself to others and their path. Stop following social media guidelines on what the "next step" in your life SHOULD be. Stop comparing your routines with other people’s routines. They may have never been dealt the cards you were dealt and therefore, most, won’t understand. ACCEPT THAT.
Be present. Whatever it is you are experiencing came at the exact time it was supposed to. You can let it control you, or you can control it. Replace “Should” with “would like to.” Replace negative thoughts with “I love myself.” (And you don’t have to believe it either at first) but guess what? With time, you will.
There is only ONE of you in the world. (Well, unless you are a twin, then we can talk about that later). Why are you being so mean to yourself? Is that a part of your blueprint?