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Are you feeling guilty for something you have done? It may be a small thing that your mind is blowing out of proportion. It may even be something big and unforgivable. Well firstly, feeling guilty for it already shows you are a good person. The fact that you have self reflection is something to love about yourself already, as there are many people who do not have the ability to obtain it, and cannot become a better person and properly atone because of its absence.
So, what do I do now? How can I stop hating myself and reliving the moment in my head, in infinite pain? Well, you must take responsibility for it. Even if you were manipulated into doing it, or it was something planted in your head by someone else, which it was for me, blaming others will not solve anything or help you.
Then you must tell someone. Someone who can be objective and understanding preferably, or really anyone. I am lucky enough to have such amazing parents who I was able to tell and who could be objective about it, but really anyone will do. This will help you describe why you did what you did, and come to terms with it better. Also, if it was anything like what I did where it wasn’t as bad as you thought, and you were overthinking it, the other person can help you understand this.
Now, once you’ve done these things, you’ll be alright, right? Well, no. You have to realize that self forgiveness is a long process, but it is also a beautiful one. After the last step, thinking about how you can change from what you have done is important, as it will make you into a better person. If we can see the event in that light, with a positive approach, we can change the way we look at it, and remember it optimistically and in a truly reflective sense. This is difficult, and it is not easy, but you have to make it a habit and have it be a consistent thought every time you remember the event.
Next, you must realize that you are not a bad person, and that you were caught in a cycle of bad doings. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is without sins or mistakes, and you need to come to terms with that idea. In fact, if you didn’t do bad things, or make mistakes, you wouldn’t be molded into the beautiful person you are, and will be. You also need to realize that you will continue to make mistakes, but that it is alright. The main thing is to see everything we do wrong as a change of state, which we can become a better person from. Atonement comes from this, and we will see and become the person we were meant to be if we can achieve this optimistic way of looking at mistakes or wrongful actions.
We also need to realize that external validation is something that can be dangerous, and we need to realize that self love is very important to become a better person with happiness and dreams. I know that my mistake or wrongful action was myself believing that external validation and anything external would make me feel better and help me, when really all it did is make me feel worse. This is why internal validation, self acceptance, and love must fill its place, and help you live in harmony by being who you truly are. It also helps you look at the event(s) more positively, and make it so you will not fall into a self fulfilling cycle of external validation.
Now, this process will take time, and with meditation, self love, self acceptance and optimism, you will be on the road to self forgiveness. But we mustn't just think this once and forget about it. This leads to falling into a pit of self hatred and pessimism again, which we must combat with optimism and being grateful for having the event so we can learn from it, and we must make this a habit. If you want to, write about your feelings, and express yourself by talking about it as much as you can. I can tell you right now, being able to write about these emotions and feelings really helps, and can help you realize how you are living your life, and possibly awaken something beautiful in you that you didn't think existed.
You must share love, not for yourself but for others as well. It will make you feel like a better person, and it will help you realize that there was no point in looking at your life in such a pessimistic way. When we all realize that our life was wasted on complaining and unnecessary external things, we can become better. It also helps to realize that everything happens for a reason. Specifically, I believe that reason is so we can help others with that issue or feeling, whether that be something like what I am doing right now, or simply by helping your son or daughter in the future from the mistakes you've made, and the things we have done wrong.
Now, the last step. The final step is to move on. Whether that may be distracting yourself by doing something that makes you happy, or just going for a run, we must distract our brain and move on so we can live our life fully. It is unhealthy to dwell on these things, and while you may believe you deserve the pain of reliving the event, you are wrong. Start with meditation, so you can learn to control your mind better, and go to a place of relaxation, away from this pain and pessimism. No one deserves self hatred, and everyone deserves self forgiveness. I'm not just saying that, I believe it to be true.
"But," you must be saying, "you didn't cover how to use it as a superpower." Well, I did. By doing all these things, and looking at the wrongful acts and mistakes you've made in a positive and optimistic light, you are impenetrable. You can go into the world being sure of yourself, and knowing where your emotions come from, and how to interpret them in a positive way.