How My Depression and Anxiety Helped Me Blossom

So I know it sounds crazy that both of these terrible things helped me become a stronger person but they did. I've had depression since I was a child because of something very bad and traumatic that was happening to me since before I could remember anything else. So I never really understood regular emotion or people. I did have a lot of compassion for someone who was naive and depressed as a child. I loved animals and even nursed some to health but never was a smiling normal child.

I learned later on that life was worse to me than I had thought. By middle school I was having suicidal thoughts. I also got bullied where kids would egg my house, hit me for no reason, tried hurting my family, stole stuff from me, tried destroying personal items, said I was fat (5'2" 140 isn't fat), constantly called me a slut and everything else and I had barely held hands with a boy, told me to kill myself and how, and so much more unfortunately. I almost did but couldn't because of my mum. I couldn't burden her with anymore emotional or financial stress. So what did I do? I dropped the knife I was pointing at my chest and decided it was time to do what I could to at least try to feel better. I was tired of feeling tired and numb.

I started getting up at 5am and working out for at least an hour before school and after school would work out for another 1 to 3 hours. It took a couple weeks before I started feeling mentally better in any sorts. Yoga and belly dancing were my favorites and also made me feel calmer. Eventually I lost 25 pounds (I'd say after about 2 months) which helped my self esteem and depression. I also started eating regularly instead of skipping meals. Soon I stood up for myself at school and most people left me alone finally. I started making friends and then I had to move again.

In high school a lot of bad things happened to me. I was living with out my mum at 15 because she wanted to move to a different state. From age 14 to 20 some of the bad things that happened to me unfortunately were sexual assault, rape (by boyfriends), verbal abuse, and physical abuse. There was other smaller things too like theft and backstabbing friends but some how it only made me stronger. I still am traumatized but it's getting better. Knowing I wasn't alone was a big help.

Other things that helped me cope was pushing my self out of my comfort zones. My anxiety certainly got better from doing this but it definitely was hard at first. Complimenting myself daily until I truly believed it helped a lot. Looking and enjoying the small things in life was eye opening. Finding things that I enjoy like singing, working out, photography, doing hair and so many other things I never opened my eyes to because I thought I would suck at them or wouldn't be worth it. I actually am trying to be a photographer which I'll leave a link to my page at the bottom. I started talking to more people and making more friends. Even when I gained weight I still told myself the truth that there was nothing wrong with me. My favorite saying is "Shit happens." Also from the movie Haunted Mansion "You try. You fail. You try. You fail but the only true failure is when you stop trying."

My best advice is to try some of the stuff I tried and don't beat your self up over things you can't control. Try new things and find your passions or even things you just like for now. Things can get better even if its not right now just hold on. When you're having panic or anxiety attacks breathe and remember this is not forever. When you're feeling depression face it head on and know you aren't worthless. Remember to learn from bad things that happen in your life. Most importantly the only one who can make you happy and work on your depression/anxiety is you.

My photography page https://www.facebook.com/Alishamillersphotography/