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Growing, Growing, Growing...
As human beings we are all given the privilege to grow. I don’t mean this in a physical sense but more so in a spiritual sense. I think everyone has to grow and create the person that they desire to be. We all have to overcome obstacles, different people, and getting lost in the world we live in to truly figure out who we are and determine our sole purpose.
I think that everyone goes through a dark period in their lives. At a point in my life I was in a dark place because I couldn’t figure out who I was. I was trying to impress other people, seem “cool,” and trying to live in a way where I was liked by everyone. It also didn’t help that I thought very low of myself and didn’t have an ounce of self-esteem. With that being said, I never fully had a chance to genuinely be myself. I never was able to express my opinion out of fear of what people might think. I never lived in the present moment. I was always anxious about the future and how I was perceived by other people. By doing this, I didn’t see myself in a good light because I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. This period of my life lasted for a few years and after a while it became tiring. I reached a low point in my life and at the time I had no clue why. I felt ordinary and could feel the absence of happiness.
Take a second, and imagine a girl in a dark room. No light, no guidance, no one knocking on the door to see if she was alright. Now imagine that water started to be poured into this room and there's no way out. She begins to drown and the heavy pressure of the water wasn’t helping. This was me. I had no light source (God), no guidance, and was too scared to go to someone with how I was feeling. I begin to drown in my own sea of darkness. Just as the room, I was in a dark place and I thought that it would never be a way out.
After getting tired of the life I was living, I decided to change. The first step that I took was deciding to focus on me first. I spent more time with myself and less time around people I didn’t need. I also wrote out certain characteristics that I had hoped to have when I was finished growing. The second step that I took was talking to God. My family is pretty religious and my mom would always tell me, “Talk to God more” and “Pray to Him more.” This she had been telling me for years, but I never listened. With praying, I was able to establish a connection with God and have more trust in Him. Through Him, I experience and still do experience perfect love. Through that I was able to understand my worth. This helped a lot but there was still things that needed to be fixed. I used to be afraid of change and the thought of it made me uneasy. Whenever I was ready to change I became so nervous because I had no clue what would happen or who I would become. Eventually, I decided that it was time to let go of my fear of change. The next step I took was giving myself space to grow. This step had such an impact on my life. I think this step is fundamental for human life. Spiritual growth is a term that’s hard to explain, but when it happens, great things are produced. I decided to take my time with this process and take baby steps. I started off with meditating, reading spiritual books listening to new music, exploring the power of nature, reading the Bible, and praying. Meditating helped me to remember to take my time with myself and to breathe. Reading helped me to discover the kind of soul and spirit I wanted to have. New music opened me up to new genres and things I would have never listened to before. Nature helped me to see the beauty in all things and to appreciate what the simple things such as flowers had to offer. Praying helped a lot because even though I felt so broken, it caused me to feel whole. I started taking long breaks off of social media to gain confidence, said goodbye to friends who didn’t deserve or respect the friendship and love I had to offer. I spent time by myself, so I could truly know who I was without the influence of others. Through all of these steps I found self-love. There is no one I love or have more respect for than myself. I now know that I am an amazing, divine, powerful, and truly impactful woman with so much love to give. Because I treat myself so well and with the upmost respect, I am to treat others the way that they deserve to be treated. I now love others fully, I give freely, and I accept and appreciate the woman God has called me to be.
Deciding to focus on me was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. Today, I have never felt more content or secure with myself. I don’t think I’d be able to recognize the person I was in the past. Feeling confident and good about the person you are is one of the greatest feelings on the planet. Even though I am in a wonderful place in my life, I realized that you never stop growing or changing. There is always something to be learned, something to be shared, something that can elevate you to a new level of self. This process has changed my life tremendously. Although I am still a young adult, I feel like I have accomplished and overcome things most people don't accomplish until it's too late. I am tremendously happy that I figured out who I am before I got a career, started a family, and made new friends. The lessons I’ve learned I will keep with me forever.