Getting Past the Stress

Stress? Screw. That. Shit. I'm serious, we don't have the time for that, I don't and I'm gonna wing it there and say that you don't exactly enjoy worrying non-stop. Its the extra baggage weighing down on your life. Trust me, it is so flipping unnecessary.

First thing to do? Grab those big shiny, oversized imaginary scissors that you just happen to keep lying around, and cut those mother-flipping issues away!! ✂️✂️✂️

Okay, getting a bit ahead of myself. You first must decide if you are ready, more so willing, to rid yourself of toxic energy and downers.

You have to be dedicated to wanting change. To wanting to live a life where you don't have to go to a park down the street as an “escape” and cry on the nearest bench, not that… I know what that's like..

You have to puff your chest out and say, “I AM in control of my life. I CHOOSE who gets to affect my life, I DECIDE what does and doesn't get to influence my emotions.”

You have to believe that you can do whatever is necessary to get further in your life, instead of being stuck on repeat like a broken record player.

Next you have to determine what are some serious stressers. What weighs on your mind and makes the day seem dull? What do you obsess over or what keeps you up at night? I've compiled 4 main stressors I've come across that I feel are most common.

• Being around energy drainers.
• Giving in to self doubt.
• Jealousy.
• What if’s.

I honestly could have let this list go on but, I can't sit on this park bench forever.

(Oh yes, I'm helping you, the readers learn as I calm myself down, teach and remind myself that stress just is NOT worth it.)

The energy drainers. The people who are always taking but never giving. The people who you would take your shirt off for and help in an instant, but who in return, wouldn't lift a finger to help in return. The people who get mad when you can't help, who call you names but are fine the next day. The people who are always around when you are having a great moment in life, but disappear as soon as the air becomes sour with bad times.

I'm not talking about someone mourning for too long or about someone having a hard time in life and occasionally needing a friend but still having your back. I'm talking about the people that want you to give until there's nothing left, then leave you behind while they find someone else to take from.

You will never move ahead if you are constantly stuck behind watering your wilted friends that refuse to get up and water themselves. You cannot grow if you don't have the time to let yourself bloom.

Giving in to self doubt. It's a hard topic. I struggle with this and it's awful. It's like a black orb following me around, whispering negative things in my ears, telling me that nothing will be okay unless I'm socially acceptable. Telling yourself that you're not good enough. That you can't possibly get a better job, or be with a better person. That you can't pull yourself out of the invisible tangle of heavy chains, pulling you lower into the ground with every movement.

You have to believe in yourself and push with every part of your being to fight the negativity.

Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be a big push. It can always start small and grow into something magnificent. For example: If you don't think you're beautiful, if you don't think you're handsome, if you think the skin you were born in, is anything but flipping amazing, then give yourself a chance to change your mind.

Every day take one photo of yourself, for a whole year. Reflect on those photos day by day. You will learn to stop being afraid of being yourself. Don't shy away from mirrors, don't be afraid to be in pictures, self confidence is a wonderful thing and you'd be surprised how much a single photo a day can help.

If you don't have access to a camera, that's fine too. Take a couple minutes out of your day to compliment yourself. Remind yourself of your strengths, your quirky habits and what makes you happy.

The key to getting rid of self doubt, is loving yourself. It's not about how much you can love someone else or how big your heart is when it comes to those in need. You have to take care of yourself in order to live a long life full of happiness.

Jealousy. Ding ding ding! Another problem I have. I occasionally get in the muddy puddle of self doubt and tell myself that my fiancé deserves someone prettier and less stressed out. I let myself believe that I'm not good enough and assume that he believes this too. I allow my jealousy to take over and it causes problems. It turns into fights, long nights of hating myself for being jealous in the first place.

Jealousy isn't always about relationships either. It can come in a lot of forms such as wanting someone else's life, wishing you could switch lives with someone so they could see how the shitty end feels. Not caring, how the jealousy affects others and becoming a taker, yourself.

The one thing I do to remind myself it isn't all that bad, is go over my accomplishments. The things I have gone through, and survived. Reminding myself that I am strong and loving and have a beautiful son. That I'm 20 and have a two bedroom apartment. Even reminding myself that I'm kick-ass at cooking and that I can read books faster than anyone I know.

Life isn't always about materialistic things either. Sometimes it comes down to having a family. Even if they're not blood, if it's someone you know you can be comfortable around and feel at home with. Sometimes it's having good friends or being able to relax in a hectic environment and sometimes, it's being able to be at peace, not having to worry about anyone. It's different for all of us. You just don't always have to have money or acceptance to have a rich life.

What if’s.

You know where I'm going with this, so let's not lie to each other. We all have something we regret doing, wishing that we would have made a different decision. Or maybe even something that you want to do but don't have the gall to do for yourself.

What if, I dyed my hair, what if I move states away. What if I go on that trip I've wanted to do on but, my friends can't go until they get money to go? Fulfill your what if's, even if it means leaving someone behind. Your life is way too short to worry about what may happen or where you may end up. (As long as you're being safe.)

Take a chance, take a bus out to wherever, cut your hair short or grow it long. Experience as much as you can for however long you can so that you don't grow old and regret not doing something. Don't make the same mistakes most people do. Don't stress about out about not having done enough. About not doing enough and Nike that shit. Just do it.

Some other stress soothing tips I have to help:

-Drink a nice warm cup of something. Be it tea, hot cocoa or coffee. Sit in a comfy chair, or on a porch and just feel the warmth on your hands, take a breather, at least long enough to finish the cup.

• Go for a walk. Getting some fresh air and looking at your surroundings can help remind you that sometimes the things you stress about aren't that big and that, there may just be a bigger picture. Take in the vast amount of land surrounding you, or be it oceans. We are all little pieces to a big picture.
• Cry about it. I'm not saying crying is the answer, but sometimes you have to let yourself feel instead of bottling up emotions. It's not healthy to put strain on your body and force yourself to be brave about it. Taking time to cry and release all of those emotions can be an amazing thing. PLUS you can take a really good nap after.
• Do something for yourself. Get your nails done, get a new haircut. New pair of jeans or maybe even go out to lunch by yourself. Have a good meal and have you time.
• Exercise. A great way to get rid of tension is to work out. Of course stretch first, then run a mile. Or do some sit ups. Ride a bike, go hiking, or even take a long walk. Endorphins are your brain's way of helping you be happy. Lucky for us, we get to work out and feel good after. Even if your muscles hurt, there's something about it that leaves you feel calmer in the end.
• Write your feelings out. Be a keyboard warrior and cuss your heart out. Say what you've wanted to, but didn't feel like you should. Get that bottles up tension out, even if you delete it afterwards.

Find an outlet that you feel can help you be happy. Something to do when you feel negativity and stressors coming your way. Read a book or text a friend. Look into counseling if you want someone you can confide in and trust that it won't be gossiped about. Stress is something we all deal with at least once in our lives, don't let it be a silent killer and bring you down for the rest of your life. Commit to being happy and remind yourself that you deserve the best.