Current Date & Time: 03/06/2018 6:46PM
It's been a long time since I've questioned myself. My morals, my values, who I want to be, what I want to be, etc. And now... I'm stuck at a standstill trying to figure all of this out while my work is piling up. I don't know who I am anymore. It's terrifying not knowing who you are. Looking in the mirror and not being able to recognize the face looking back at you. Realizing all of the messed up things you've done in the past and trying to convince yourself it was for the better, but knowing that you've hurt people and trying to forgive yourself, hoping they forgive you some day too. Realizing that when you were younger you were just so stupid and you haven't grown up much since then. To know you're still hurting people and you're still trying to find your way but not knowing how. I feel like a kid lost in a 1,000 aisle grocery store, not knowing what aisle their mom is in.
Recently, all I've been thinking about is going home. Back to NYC. Back to where everything began. I just want to wander the streets and figure out who I am. Clear my head. Be free of schoolwork even if it's just for a week. This is why I can't wait for spring break. I need this week to be over. I need to know, who am I? The current answer I have to that question doesn't satisfy me... I'm the daughter of two amazing immigrant parents, I'm a proud Dominican woman, I'm a younger sister to two amazing older brothers, I'm a musician, I'm a future psychologist (maybe psychiatrist), I'm an cousin, niece, goddaughter, granddaughter, etc. But... WHO AM I? Why am I on this Earth? What's my purpose? So far, I don't have that answer...so far in my book, I'm nobody.
I NEED to not only answer questions, but I need to get questions answered. I think I'm on the right track though..
I've been reading books by r.h. sin and they've been helping me. They've made me feel as if I'm not alone. r.h. sin is an amazing poet. Sometimes I feel like it's not even poetry, but the truth. I feel like he's talking to me.
Current Date & Time: 03/07/2018 8:47PM
Today, I finally found the right career path for me. I already knew I wanted to become a therapist but I wasn't sure which route to take; whether to become a psychiatrist, psychologist or regular mental health counselor but now I finally know. I'm going to continue studying psychology but I'm going to double major in human development, then I will go onto get my masters in Mental Health Counseling (and maybe do a dual program where I can get my PhD in Psychology and become a psychologist).
After figuring this out I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders and I feel like I'm on the right path. The path that will lead me to answering the big question, WHO AM I?
APRIL 11TH 2018 11:28PM
I finally know. Post coming soon!