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Finding Out What Makes You Happy Again

Soul Searching for Joy and Completion of Self

I will first state my disclaimer... I am overall happy and appreciative of my current situation, which is being a wife and mom. What I will say is there are times when I realize I have forgotten what makes Ranice happy simply because I give my all when it comes to my husband and children. Here’s a little background on me: I am originally from Los Angeles, California (Cali Baby!!!), but I left in 2007 due to some unexpected events. My family and friends are located all over the US, so we don’t get to meet up often. I currently reside in South Jersey with my husband and our four children. I miss my family and friends so very much. I know there are plenty of women out there that are dealing with the same circumstances; therefore, I will be straightforward and hopefully you all can relate on trying to find out what makes you complete and happy outside of being a wife/girlfriend and mommy.

You ever have those few moments when you are alone and you don’t know what to do with yourself because your world solely revolves around your other half and your children?

You know, when hubby takes the kids somewhere to give you a break? You think to yourself, “Self, what are we gonna do today?” You feel so confused when it comes to figuring out what to do for two reasons:

  1. You’re so used to being a wife/girlfriend and mommy 24 hours a day that you don’t know what to do without your other half and children.
  2. You can’t remember what you enjoy doing.

If I wanted to grab lunch with my mom, I’d have to catch a plane. If I wanted to go to the beach with my bestie, we’ve got to fly to meet up. I say that to say this: My loved ones are far from me, so I want to figure out what makes me happy again. I seem to be forgetting what I enjoy and it’s scary because that list of “Ranice’s Little Joys in Life” seems to be fading further and further from my memory.

I sometimes sit back and try to retrace my steps to what used to be enjoyable. “I was my happiest when…” and “I remember when I loved to do…” I realize I tend to become frustrated during these “alone” times because before I know it, my husband and children have returned home, and guess what I’ve accomplished??? That’s right, a day full of frustration because I couldn’t decide what to do with myself. I don’t want to become resentful towards myself or anyone else that I love due to the fact I pour myself into everyone else to ensure they are happy; but I neglect myself and my inner joys aren’t being replenished. It’s kind of like a bank account: You can withdraw, but if you aren’t replenishing those funds, you’ll end up overdrawn. Anyone else dealing with this? There has to be some kind of reset button to get back to knowing and understanding who we are, what brings joy to our hearts and souls, and what exactly puts that smile back on our faces.

I am so happy to share the things that have helped me get back to me. After asking myself, “What did I enjoy doing in my past?” I came up with journaling because that’s what I’ve lived to do since I was 14 years old. I absolutely love writing and expressing myself. I also love reading and getting lost in the stories within the books I read. I began to designate an hour or two early in the morning by setting an alarm for 5:30 AM (yes, I know, I’m up before the sun, but I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember LOL) while the house is still quiet. I pray, then read my bible, then I journal my thoughts, and if I have quiet time left over, I read a little of the book of my choice. Once I began doing this, it was as if I was on the road back to me. I know I’m not the only person dealing with this type of situation, so come on ladies, let’s get it together and get back to the basics of knowing who we are outside of being a significant other and a mom. I challenge you to sit quietly for 30 minutes and think of what used to make you happy, then start doing those things again. Let’s relearn ourselves and be able to still pour into others without becoming empty.

Yours Truly,

Ranice Christmas

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