Finding My Path

This is my logo. This signed my fate and sealed the deal of my future. I should be excited and thrilled. I should be overjoyed, I’m 23 and starting my own business. Yet, I’m not. Instead, doubt fills my head and I’m constantly thinking if I'll succeed. Fear makes me question the one thing that I’ve dreamed of for a year. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I witty, clever, bold and interesting enough? Why would anyone buy from me? What makes me special? All these questions I can’t answer. All these questions I wish I could answer. I wish I could erase the doubt that I feel. I wish I knew that this was path that won’t change. But I don’t. I don’t know if it will. I don’t know if I will make it.

I always thought my path was laid out for me... Go to school and work in the medical field, but somewhere along the way being able to do the job and actually love the job became unbearable. I can do the work with no problem, but working for someone else has made me realize this is not what I want to do. I realized I want to work for myself, be my own boss. Of course realizing this has caused me so much anxiety that I wonder how I manage to fall asleep at night.

My biggest wish was to just be supported and I finally got that, yet it didn’t make me happy. I should have been through the roof with excitement but I wasn’t. I wish I knew why. I wish I didn’t doubt myself. I find myself comparing myself to others asking myself, “Why isn’t that me?” I shake the thought from my head and try to remind myself that their path is not my path. Everyone is running their own race with their own struggles. I guess I just want to rush my race, but wouldn’t that mean rushing my life away?

“Why? Why me?” This has become my mantra. I wish I had the confidence to say, "Why not me?” I wish I had the confidence to step up to the plate. I wish I could make myself stand out more. It seems the more I wish for it the more I shy away from it. I just wish I could find my path.