Find Your Strength

Where does strength come from? How can we obtain it?

I always used to ask myself those questions. Always wondering why I was not strong enough, mentally. It felt like the world was against me, and I was alone, tarnishing away. I didn't have a clue how to become strong, but one day I had enough.

I'd had enough of waking up and dreading the day, not wanting to open my eyes, not wanting to look at myself in the mirror; because I knew I'd be disappointed with the empty body staring back at me.

I was always embarrassed with myself. I was always the person to preach to the world and everyone in it. I truly believed everyone was amazing and deserved to love themselves and be loved by everyone around me. But for some reason I didn't believe I deserved that.

I would constantly ask myself where I went wrong. When did I decide that I was wasn't worth anything? Was I ever worth anything?

I was trying to find a reason why I wasn't worth it. Was it the break up? The unstable childhood? The friends who only knew half of your life?

I came to the conclusion that I ran myself so thin. I gave out all the compassion and love I had, and I left none for myself. I knew it was time to seek help.

Not only was I physically unhealthy.. I also was suffering from anxiety, depression, an eating disorder. I didn’t tell anybody; not even my closest family and friends. I was scared it would alter peoples opinions of me or make them pity me. I came to a point where I gathered every ounce of strength I had to change the way I was living. I didn’t want it to define who I was anymore. I wanted to look at myself in the mirror and love myself for what I saw inside and out.

I needed to find the person I truly wanted to be.

I started going to the gym to feel healthier and look better. I am a strong believer in the saying "look good, feel good". Some people may believe that's narcissistic or stuck up, but if you feel like you don't look good, you aren't going to be portraying self love if you've never been able to before. It was a completely new territory for me.

I starting discovering myself again I had made physical changes, and shortly after I didn’t feel so lagged every day. It wasn’t a struggle to get up anymore. I was motivated, and wasn’t going to food to comfort me.

After that I realized that I’ve always had this strength inside of me, I just had to rediscover it.

I’m finally able to say I’m proud of who I am today, the journey is forever, but now I can look In the mirror and be reminded of the forever growing strength that I’ve always had inside.

I underestimated the power of speaking your mind, whether that be to a friend, family member, councilor, or therapist. You can't expect to get better, or have people understand you if you don't speak you mind. You can put on a mask and pretend to be okay, but it isn't helping anyone.

In the journey I lost a few people who I thought were my friends. But in reality they were only dragging me down, draining me, and holding me back from my potential. I was giving so much of myself to them, and received nothing in return.

For anyone else suffering or looking for answers, find your strength and never let it go.