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For years and years, I had a tendency to put other people first before taking care of myself. I always put their needs before mine and somehow I ended up taking in all of their problems and in the process not taking care of myself. I carried on this way for the better part of half a decade. I always made sure everyone was okay before I took care of my problems and sometimes bills that really needed to be paid. I took on people's emotional problems because I figured that if I took them on it would ease their burdens. In the end, that ended up wrecking my emotional meter and I just ended up somehow hurting myself in the process.
Sometime after the New Year, I realized that those years of not putting myself first and not making myself a priority has had dire consequences mentally, emotionally and financially. And because of all the emotional and mental stress, it started to take a physical toll on my body. My credit was wrecked, mentally I was exhausted and emotionally I just couldn't handle much of anything.
That was when I decided that Alix needed to come first and that I needed to look out for myself because at the end of the day I was all I really had. In a sense, I lost who I was. I had all these goals and ambitions and yet I couldn't reach them. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of love and support but there is going to be a time when it's just me and I have to rely on myself. I feel to become a true adult that you should be self-reliant on yourself. I am stubborn and feisty as they come but unfortunately, I haven't been the most self-reliant. I've always depended on people to help me because I can't do it on my own and it kills me.
Within the first three months of the New Year I have paid off one of my smaller debts and now I am putting money aside so I can do two things:
- I can save up the down payment to buy a car so I don't have to Uber everywhere.
- Go back to school and get my teaching license so I can finally achieve my dream of having my own classroom.
I've been putting off my license for so long because I always decided no, no it wasn't the right time. Then I asked myself... when is the right? When will it ever be the right time? So I've started looking into online programs for teaching licenses so I can work on it wherever I can and at my convenience. That will also triple my income and can allow me to be independent in a sense since teachers don't make very much in the first place. I'm hoping within the next three months to pay off at least another debt and raise my credit score so the required down payment for a car won't be so bad. I'm hoping within the next 3-5 years I can have all of my debts paid off so my credit will be somewhat decent and I can in the future buy a nice little house for me and Lucy with a backyard so she can run around and get that energy out. Nothing fancy, maybe a two or three bedroom house with a big kitchen so I can spread out when I cook. I can maybe start traveling like I always wanted to places like London, Paris, Rome, etc.
But the fact of the matter is I needed to start putting my health and mental well-being above everything else and I am taking little steps that I get there and I can have a better quality of life. As much as I love helping other people and making sure they are okay, I need to make sure I am okay too.