Life has been hard for me in the past few years. I lost my daughter and inherited my grandsons to raise. I was not ready financially for two small boys. I have been determined to stay afloat and not succumb to the ever-rising tide of my life's circumstances.
I must say that I am still grateful despite all that I have to endure. I try to practice gratitude. It is easy to sink into the quicksand of despair and ask why me. But if you are a fighter then you need to fight for your happiness. Especially in the middle of what feels like your darkest hour.
I fight for my happiness with an arsenal of tools. My first tool is prayer. Before I let a word pass my lips of bitterness I quickly ask the Lord for help. And I believe my help is coming. Not always when I want it. But it comes just before I feel as if I can't stand another minute of it. My next tool is music. Specifically meditation music. I have really gotten into the power of music. I have felt it take me to places I thought were long gone for me. Places my heart lived in when I was fearless and not so feeble spirited.
Those were the tools that I can use at will. The other tools I have, come to me in moments. Moments when the sun is shining and I enjoy the warm rays on my face as it instantly burns away my darkness. Moments when I hear my grandsons laugh and I know he is not sad or worried. Moments when I smell honeysuckles that remind me of summers back home in New Jersey. Moments when I tasted an orange flavored popsicle that took me back to when I was a little girl.
I have to be vigilant about not missing those moments. And I always try to make new moments. When a moment arrives when I feel joy or peace or contentment I absorb the sensation of the moment and store it away.
Happiness is a choice. It does not come from a person or a possession or even a status in life. You first have to understand that life will not be easy. Then you must decide that you will be happy no matter what. I'm not saying you will be bouncing around like Mary Poppins all the time. That is just crazy high on drugs kind of happy. I'm saying when you are in that moment of despair you need to remember that it is only a moment. It will pass. And while you are in that moment, constantly say to yourself, out loud if necessary, that this moment does not define my life. This moment will pass and your happiness will return. Don't let the dark thoughts or aggravation of the moment take over. Make an effort to remember the good things and imagine how it will be when you reach your goals.
I'm still in the struggle of my darkness. But I am still grateful. Because GOD IS GOOD.
This topic came from having a rough morning. One thing after another came at me and I practiced my gratitude, said my prayers and listen to my music. The temptation to descend into hopelessness over things that were out of my control beckoned me. I know why people get stuck in their sadness over life. Because it can be a comfortable place to wallow. It seems better than to keep trying. I am so grateful for my fighting spirit. I can't wallow. I won't wallow. I sure have done it and it felt worse than my circumstances. I choose to fight for my happiness and so far I am still winning.