Fear Is Strong, Drive Is Stronger

Fear. It drives us all away at one point or another in life. Fear can hinder relationships. It helps shape who we are as individual. I have spent a lot of my life afraid.

Fear of being alone.

Being left behind.

Not being good enough.

Not being attractive enough.

Not being able to keep up with my friends.

Not being good enough at work.

There are so many more. But in recent months, I have learned to let go of the fear, or embrace it.

Someone once told me to "do one thing that scares you every day." For some people, just getting up in the morning scares them, and as long as you keep getting up you can get through the day.

This year I realized that I have been getting into relationships to not feel alone. Yes I did love and care for the people I was with, but when my break up happened this year, I realized my biggest fear was being alone. I had never given myself the chance to be okay with myself. So I had to figure out how.

Getting back out into nature has been the biggest influence. When you are out there hiking, yes you can go with friends, but sometimes it's nice to get out there by yourself; test your mind. On my birthday this year, I turned 31, and all of my friends had to work. So my roommate offered me his car and I decided to drive down the coast and go hiking by myself. I used to do this for work as a park ranger, so I figured okay I can do this. Well starting off my day, I soon realized it was a different mindset. I was going to be all alone, I had to choose where I was going. I started to panic on the way down. How can I make all these choices???!?

After a bit, I decided to stop and take a look at the scenery (I also had to use the bathroom) and I found this little trail. I did my business behind a bush and then a ways down sat on a cliff. And I just breathed. It was a powerful moment because I realized that I could literally go anywhere! It was MY choice. No one was holding me back, from anything!!! This was a crucial point because I learned I could do anything I put my mind to.

My birthday turned out to be fantastic, I went hiking, fell in a river, found a secret path. I did not want to come back. From that day, I planned so many adventures, some of which I will share on here so stay tuned. I also started planning my own business. I am going to take people on adventures and encourage them to break past their own barriers. It will open up after the first of the year 2019.

Being by myself, I still get scared of my own thoughts, I cry often about my lost relationships and what will happen to me in the future. But now instead of keeping those thoughts to myself, I share them with friends, work through them. I also write them down. Writing is a great way to open up.

I have achieved so much this year, with work, with my friendships but most of all I have learned to be okay with myself. I am an awesome person and I love spending time with people. But time to myself: Priceless.

The drive to be a better person and more confident adventurer is always stronger than my fear. Don't let your fear take over your goals in life. Keep pushing, breathing and enjoy everyday.

Thanks for reading! Keep a look out for Part 3 (there will be 4).