In high school, I went through the hardest time in my life. From going to a school where I didn't fit in to constantly fighting with my mother and almost taking my own life away. My family, my so-called friends would never expect me to go through depression. You know what they say, "The people who smile a lot may be the ones who cry when there is no one around." This quote will forever stay by me because this sums up what I have gone through.
Depression is easy to get but hard to get through. It's confusing how it was easy for me to pick up a sharp blade and physically hurt myself but hard for me to reach out for help in others. It was easy for me to think no one loved me, hard for me to believe anyone was here for me. It was easy for me to smile to others but hard for me to smile at myself looking at my reflection. The way I vision depression was like drowning in-front of so many people but not one single person helps you out, they stand and watch you die. You're screaming, you're waving your hands around like crazy but still, you get no help.
The day depression got defeated, I'll always remember this day. The scene consist of sitting on the floor with the shower running, letting the water hit me as I mark my thighs and chest. For some reason after my cutting session, a song that will always be my favorite song came on. The lyrics hit me and the best part it was by my favorite artist. The song is a love song but I felt God speaking to me through that song. Since I didn't reach out to God I felt he reached out to me. "Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night." He came to me in my darkest times, no matter how much hurt I went through, God washed it away. Even though I blamed Him for most of it, He still remain by my side.
You are enough. You are worth it. God made me feel this way. To know that I am loved by God, is enough for me to be strong. Yes it is easy to be "down in the dumps" but once you find that strength it'll be easy for you conquer this whole depression battle. In that note, everyone has a different strength. For me, my strength was God. When you are trying to get through depression, it may feel like you are fighting yourself but just remember you are fighting FOR yourself.