Dream Big Dreams

Sitting here attempting to find myself a damn job really is making me miss college. At least there, I had shit to do. Now, I’m stuck in a job, unhappy and tired… I’m done. I’ve had it. But that’s a story for another day.

Now, as I am applying (or, should I say, attempting to get my ass into gear and apply) to many state jobs, I have realized something… I miss writing.

SO

DAMN

MUCH.

Listen, I don’t like a lot of things…. clowns, heights, people—well, some people. But, I have always, always, enjoyed writing. Didn’t matter what I had to write about… I enjoyed every bit of it.

Do you want to know why?

I enjoyed it so much because I was the one that got to decide where the essay or story went. Sure, sometimes I’d get prompts on what I needed to include, but, if I included whatever measly little piece of information my professors needed… free range was given, and my mind was UNLEASHED.

I have always been a fan of the arts. Whether that was painting (even though I’m shit at painting), photography, writing… etc.

I have always had this picture of what I wanted to do as a career. I’ll say, it hasn’t always been a clear picture, but I think it’s always been there… sitting in the back of my mind… waiting for me to unleash it.

So, here’s my story:

When I was five, I wanted to be a pop singer like Hannah Montana. (If you don’t know who she is then I suggest you leave… now.) When I was five… it ws a little far-fetched for my little mind, but I always followed the “dream BIG” mantra. To this day, I have (many) BIG dreams—some more extensive than others—but dreams nonetheless.

That dream died down a bit once I got into elementary, and I decided that it was a little out of my range after I was denied a lead role in my school’s musical… bummer. I digress. I changed it up a bit and figured that I want to help others. I knew I couldn’t become a nurse like my mom because, man, she is just a special person that is able to handle certain situations that I absolutely knew I would not be able to deal with. Plus, I mean, school for that was CRAZY. I grew up watching medical shows (like my favorite ER) with her and, well, let’s just say I’d rather leave the doctoring to the professionals and the hot docs on TV.

So, instead, I turned my ear to veterinary practice.

“Awwww… I get to see dogs and other animals! They’re so cute!” Blah… Blah… Blah.

These were my thoughts when inquiring about the job description of being a vet. Little did I know that it wasn’t all rainbows and puppy dogs in the world of veterinarians. I figured out that it was fairly similar to what went on around the doctors in hospitals but worse because it was pets. I knew for a fact I would cry, and let’s face it: No one wants to see this face cry… AND… guess what? It’s even MORE schooling…

Yeah, Ashlee out.

This dream didn’t last long as I ventured into the world of the dramatics. Here is where I began my now-living dream of the arts. All throughout high school, I was involved in anything "drama." And, no, not the drama meaning, “Johnny asked Suzie out on a date even though EVERYONE knew for a fact that Suzie was Jesse’s girl.” If you don’t catch on to the reference there, get out… You’re too young.

I attended every drama class, snagged a role in every musical/play, even found myself on the speech team for four years. At this stage, I wanted to become an actress. Again… big dreamin’ Ash… big dreamin’. I found that, in college, it definitely was not the same as high school. It just didn’t seem fun to me anymore. But, I still loved performing. I just didn’t want the whole stress of having to be perfect on and off screen.

I sought out a career where I could both be creative and intellectual with maybe having the possibility of a business side. "COMMUNICATION STUDIES" stood out to me as I searched the catalog of the different majors. It was going to allow me to do nearly everything I love, and it was broad enough to where I didn’t have to be stuck in one area. I HATE being stuck.

Almost as much as I HATE clowns… Cringe.

I loved and still love to write… and this is the majority of what you do as a communications major: write.

But, I am also able to do nearly anything… and it lets me incorporate other skills of mine into my own work. I can be creative or academic while letting myself indulge in my personality, adding humor and sarcastic retorts into my essays.

I may not have wanted to do this when I was five… or nine… or even fifteen… but all of those areas of my life have brought me to now. I can’t imagine how I would be if I had just stuck to one dream… especially that of being a vet… (cringe moment number two).

I just know that if I didn’t shop around and really searched for the one thing that I love, I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am today.

I say, keep dreaming, and, with that, dream BIG. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you, and, if you find that one isn’t for you, keep going. You have the whole alphabet of plans that you get to work through; don’t stop at Plan A. Once you allow yourself to open up and dive deep into things that you love, your incredible aspirations are going to come true. I’m still working on mine… so should you.

Don’t hold back… Let your dreams be UNLEASHED.