Disrupted Dialogue

Should I even be sorry? I don't know. Let alone, I don't know who I am. Been told to sit down and shut up, be seen and not heard, and no one cares about what you have to say. Withheld my thoughts and feelings for far too long. No one ever would expect me to stand up for myself.

Now it's time for me to rise up from the ashes and fly high like a phoenix and show off my magnificent beauty. No longer caged in a prison of expectations that I could never live up to. It's now time that I find out who I truly am, and not let the negativity of others bring me down.

Been denying myself and needs so I could put others and their needs before mine. I became so burnt out due to self neglect. Never really took time to care for myself, now it's all brand new and a learning curve. The time I've been sacrificing for others, I now have the honor and privilege to use it on myself. I don't even know where to begin on this journey of me. I may have already begun and don't even realize it.

Now there is a void I am trying to fill. I know what I am missing, yet there are barriers in place due to actions I have done. There is so much more to bullying than taking a hit. Often hurtful words are never considered a form of bullying.

Questioning my beliefs, values, and what I want out of life. I don't desire to be a prisoner of the demons of others, nor the demons that aren't paying rent for space in my head. There's a journey I must endeavor where such things no longer exist.

I find it difficult to look at myself in the mirror. I've cried so many times there, that I hate seeing my face so distorted. Especially when I am faking a smile. Yet this journey of self love and self care has to begin somewhere.

Just so fed up of trying to fit in the cookie cutter perceptions everyone has of me. That, in and of itself, made me question who I am overall. Done following all the rules and being silent for too long.

Caught in conflicting voids. Now I am working on the void that has been ignored for far too long. Finally finding purpose in my life, and who is truly there for me when I need them the most.

Beginning to find happiness in my life that I never knew existed. Realizing the inner strength I have that has been silenced longer than it should have been. Turning my weakness into something that can make me stronger. Not wanting to suppress my emotions any longer. Pushing myself to find what makes me happy.

I shouldn't be sorry for standing up for what I believe in or for myself. I am as fragile as an egg, it's just a matter of time before I crack and break out of the supposed shell that I'm in. I cannot tolerate being someone I'm not for the sake of others anymore.

Leaving the ruins of the past behind me as I create a new future. The people that don't belong will disappear, and I would be happier without them. I am finished building my empire with people who don't support me moving forward. I need shatter the barriers in my life in order to survive this world. Even if I have to do it alone.

I am more fortunate than I thought. I am the creator of my happiness. I finally hold the reins that so many didn't want me to have. It's time that I defy my own odds and expectations that I now concentrate on.