Damaging Depressing Disappointments (Pt. 1)

Part 1

We all have a time in our lives where we get disappointed. And there are different levels of disappointments. Big or small, they're all still really affective and they influence us in ways we might not even notice. 

For me, my biggest disappointment so far was when I graduated high school. First of all, despite my hard work, I graduated late. Of course there were several other factors that led to that but no one really wants to finish late (no one aims for second place). Another thing was that no one really told me about volunteering and working while I was in school so it wouldn't be so difficult finding a job. So after school, finding a job was a struggle and so was fighting my low self esteem. 

I've always had a self esteem issue and these two things seemed to add to the stress. After trying for almost three months, I decided I was ready to use my savings and start university and maybe down the line I'd find a job to save up for the next few years of university. Well, with the self esteem I had, I couldn't even decide what I wanted to take because I always came to the conclusion of "I'm not smart enough"or "I'm not good enough" so I went back and forth in my mind for another few months, wasting even more time. Finally I fell into deep depression, and I mean a really dark place mentally and physically. My body was getting affected in so many ways negatively because of how much of a failure I felt I was. Stuck at home with nowhere to go while watching everyone else move on with their lives was just too much for me. At a point, I stopped being happy for people who kept making it from point A to point B. I know that seems so selfish of me but I'm being honest—that's exactly how I felt. After a few counselling sessions with several different people (i.e., family, friends, pastors), I was able to overcome the depression. 

The battle is real and the battle is internal. You can't take a pill to make the feeling go away and neither can you change locations to flee from it. It's a mind thing and unless one chooses to really open their mind to other options, opinions, and other ways out, disappointment will eat you up alive and disintegrate your very being. I know that sounds very harsh but that's how serious it is. 

But then again disappointments are a part of life and no matter what we do, we will come across it and we can do nothing but choose how we deal with it. Things like these can make or break you and neither making or breaking is a bad thing. These things can be meant to build up good character and break down bad habits or bad qualities. It's all meant to shape us into better version of ourselves and make us better people and our world a better place and there is nothing disappointing about that. 

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Damaging Depressing Disappointments (Pt. 1)
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