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Okay, I think we need to talk about this one because it is an issue I am perpetually hearing. Life is going to hell in a hand basket, relationships are going sour, finances suck, health is going bad, interpersonal conflicts abound, bill collectors won’t stop calling, you can't find a job, your Facebook page has been hacked, you are the victim of identity theft, your best friend sleeps with your husband or wife, and the list goes on and on.
You must be cursed, right? Surely, this can't be a natural phenomenon, it MUST be the result of someone throwing some bad mojo your way, right?
98 percent of the time this is the result of life folks, not a curse, not some enemy throwing down at you, and not some abstract generational curse. It is the result of choices YOU make and beliefs you have that cause you to continue to make choices that result in a state of living that is less than your best life.
Sometimes it all starts with a significant event that occurs at some point in your life, maybe in childhood or maybe in adulthood. Maybe you were abused as a child and internalized those events so your core belief about yourself is that you do not deserve to have an easy, free living life. You believe you don't deserve happiness because that is what you were told when you were little. Everything that happens to us when we are five to six-years-old shapes our personality and life perception for the rest of our lives. If you were beaten or sexually abused when you were little, the messages that go along with that kind of treatment are:
- You aren't worthy of respect.
- Your body does not belong to you.
- You are less than everyone else.
- You better not say anything, or you will suffer more atrocities.
- You can't trust anyone.
- You have no control over your life.
- Life is not safe.
- No one will come to your rescue because you aren't worthy, your body doesn't belong to you, you are less than everyone else and you better not say anything because you will be hurt again or someone else will be hurt and it will be your fault, life is not safe, you have no control, and you DEFINITELY can't trust anyone.
These are the messages you carry with you into your adulthood, and these are the messages that guide your decision making. Often, as adults, we will recreate the same abuse we suffered as children as a subconscious means of resolving and working through the trauma. But it doesn't work, does it? You continue to get in one abusive relationship after another, you continue to be attracted to the same kinds of people who treat you disrespectfully, constantly invade your boundaries, and treat you like you are less than everyone else. You settle for a man or a woman who is unfaithful, a drunk or drug addict, won't work, or in some way closely resembles the person who abused you as a child.
No wonder you think it has always been that way! No wonder you conclude that you must have been born with a curse!
But, you weren't born with a curse. You may have been born into a fucked-up situation, treated badly and learned insecurity and low self esteem, but you have not been cursed in the magical sense of the word.
What about those of you for whom you were not abused as children? What about the chain of bad luck that has happened ever since the death of your mother, father, best friend? Ever since you got married or into a relationship with a certain partner?
Everything we experience comes with a set of beliefs we form as a result of those experiences. If for example, you are sad and do not allow yourself to grieve, you can become emotionally stuck. It can become hard to make even the smallest of decisions. You just don't have the energy to fight for yourself anymore. The bills have piled up and you are so overwhelmed you can't do anything except wonder, why me? What did I do to deserve this? Surely this isn't normal? It must be a curse!
There's an old saying, "life sucks and then you die" (and several variations on that theme). The fact of the matter is that life can suck—a lot of the time. People die. People are not perfect. People will betray us, not everyone will treat us the way we deserve to be treated. We get sick. People we love get sick. Our animals die. We will always have bills and most of us will never be wealthy. OMG, I am exhausted just thinking about it! Why bother, right?
Now, let's think about the saying from a different perspective. Life sucks and then you die. What does that mean?
The fact of the matter is that life IS hard, and it DOES suck at times, but there is also JOY, if we look for it.
People die, but people live longer than they die. People are not perfect, thank Goddess! Could you imagine if you had to live up to the standard of perfection?
People will betray us, but people will also be loyal to us. We will have friends along the way if we are open to receiving them. Not everyone will treat us the way we deserve to be treated ... IF YOU ALLOW IT. We train people how to treat us. If we allow people to treat us badly then guess what? We will be treated badly.
We get sick, but we also have periods of good health. And along this line of thinking, what have you done today to ensure you have good health? Are you smoking, drinking excessively, eating junk food, doing drugs and sitting on the couch all day? Or are you making a conscious decision about everything that goes into your body? Are you treating your body like the temple it is?
People we love die. Yes, but they also live, usually a lot longer than the process of death. Are you appreciating everyone who means something to you on a daily basis? Or are you taking them for granted? And guess what? The longer we live, the more people we know will die. That is a fact of life ... and a sucky part of growing older. Death is a fact of life. It is part of the life-death-life cycle. Without death, there is no life.
Our animals die. But our animals live ... longer than they die. Are you loving your animal companion to the best of your ability today?
We will always have bills. Yes, but we can learn how to pay them off. We can understand that some things we will always have to pay for and then there are those things we never had to buy in the first place. Most of us will never be wealthy. Can you be happy without being wealthy? What is wealth? Maybe wealth is relative. Just remember what you have the next time you see a homeless person on the street.
What is happiness? Is the glass half empty or half full? If it is your tendency to believe the glass is half empty, then you will be more inclined to believe that life happens TO you. You will be more inclined to believe you must be cursed with this attitude. If you believe the glass is half full, you will find the joy in each day, turn problems into challenges, and reclaim your life. You are empowered to change the things you can and find serenity in knowing there are things you simply cannot.
There is a concept in psychology called the self fulfilling prophecy. This is what I am talking about. If I believe it to be, so it will be. This can work for the positive and for the negative, equally.
Life happens. This doesn't mean a curse has been laid on you. It means if life sucks for you, then guess what? You can change it! And how freeing and empowering it is when you come to that realization. This is why magick is so powerful. It gives us tools we can use to make the changes we need. Just know that magick is a co-creative process. Waving a magic wand only has its place in Harry Potter movies, not real life. In real life we must align our thoughts and behaviors to be consistent with our vision for ourselves and consistent with the work we do.
Here is the basic truth: We were all born sacred and divine human beings, perfect just as we are. No matter what has ever happened, this is the truth. We grow to be adults with the POWER to change. We can co-create our lives in partnership with universal forces to be the lives we always wanted to live. Remember this and you will no longer have the need to believe you are cursed.