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Chin Up, Beautiful

Six ways to fight the “victim” syndrome

By Barfing ButterfliesPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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September 2015

Like most of you reading this I am guilty of falling victim to emphasis I put on my under-achievements… making them a bigger deal than they need to be.

We can’t help it though, we are conditioned to only care about our failures and glorify our major life-changing achievements without showing the process of broken pieces that eventually become our stepping stones to greatness. As I creep up on 30 years on this Earth, I keep seeing the “Life Is Beautiful” phrase flash in my head (probably because I am low-key swooning over the lineup this year).

There is truth in that inspirational phrase though…

“Life… IS… Beautiful!”

But beauty is always in the eye of beholder (or beer-holder) and most of us are blind to the fact that we forget that in the midst of heaving over our failures and shortcomings we need to compliment ourselves for applying ourselves. I have been in this rut for a few weeks now, trying to strategize and plan accordingly for an event that could possibly be the next LIB, or not… but I won’t really know until I push past the bullshit, get mad a million times over, and cry at least once a week. Fun fact: It’s been four years since I have really cried and I am maxed out on five a week since starting the planning and strategy process for this event.

When I get in these spats of semi-depression/wtfamisdoingwithmylife ruts, I have been making efforts to change the way I view these shortcomings, failures, temporary road blocks as well as how I react and project my feelings. Playing victim is such an unattractive personality trait that we tend to use to excuse our mini (sometimes explosive) temper-tantrums—and no one wants to convince a grown-ass adult into believing in themselves.

Here are six ways that I combat falling into the “victim” syndrome:

B R E A T H E

It’s okay to not be okay. Take a second, walk away, go outside and just breathe. Changing your scenery can do a lot for an active mind that tends to go for the “I blame myself for everything” mindset instead of breaking down what didn’t work and picking out the things that did work. Blaming yourself won’t get the project done, it will not help you with your relationship qualms, and it definitely will not get you a head in the workplace. Deeeeeep breath in... deeeeeeep breath out… rinse and repeat.

This is only temporary. (Mantra)

Knowing that this isn’t the end can help you understand how this all came to a head. Allowing yourself to fall into the mindset of understanding the feelings that you are experiencing, the rut you are in, or the problems you have are only temporary. This gives your subconscious mind a kick in the ass to recognize that this is an unhealthy way of thinking. When you feel like you just can’t even, ODD! Level yourself up with mantras like the ones in Huff Life's article "Seven Powerful Mantras to Raise Your Self-Worth": “My dreams should rise to meet my worth!” “I am worth it all!” “I am strong!” and “I am a success!” Silly in nature to be talking to yourself, but we need to be a cheerleader for ourselves as much (if not more) as we are for everything/one else in our lives.

The actions of others is something you will never control…

No matter how transparent you are with people, they will always let you down. If it is a coworker, a friend, a family member, or significant other—you cannot control how or what they think about any given topic, life path or process. Coming from a girl who has a lot of acquaintances and very few friends, I take this one personally ALL... THE... TIME. Remembering that you are not entitled to having the world see it your way and stepping off your soapbox for a second can really humble a person. Next time something about someone is pissing you off, remember that you aren’t perfect either... and you probably annoy the shit out others as well. Check yourself... you aren’t Morgan Freeman.

A narrow focus brings big results.

Ever heard the phrase: "April showers brings May flowers?" What that generic phrase doesn’t give you is the fact that when the rain passes and before the flowers bloom, we are left to trudge in the mud. Nothing comes easy, but by having a narrow focus on all those amaaaaazing ideas and attempting to get them from thought to implementation and action can help you see the big picture. Something I found that works is getting a whiteboard and having a notebook. As elementary as it sounds, it’s a practice that people such as Elon Musk, Rashida Jones, Logic, and other innovators who have sustained the way they execute their revolutionary projects and ideas just by narrowing their focus. Don’t have a whiteboard? Try to mind map it!

Show up, fully.

We all have been half-assed at one point in our professional career or in any family event you didn’t plan on going to but your mom guilt tripped with you with the fact that your Abuelita is not getting any younger and she just loves your company so you need to be there... sorry, I was reflecting. Show up fully means exactly what is said... NUT UP OR SHUT UP! (Okay, it doesn’t say that in general, but that’s how I translate it.) By simply being present (consciously) you are allowing your mind to absorb information that it otherwise would not be exposed to—giving way to new thinking practices that can help you find a solution to an issue or get around that roadblock you’re experiencing.

Life’s good, not fair.

I have come to the realization that I deserve all my #blessings, shortcomings, and failures. By taking in those blessings and praising them without an egotistical undertone, you allow yourself to receive more. By shaking out those shortcomings, you are opening yourself up to failure and the idea that it will happen, more often than not. By pushing past those failures, you are allowing yourself to fail and be failed in return. You will not see it as such a hardening setback, rather, a blessing in disguise. I have been set back WEEEEEEEEKS on a project due to the fact that I overlooked ONE piece of pertinent information because I was too busy playing victim. No excuses, this is all you bro/chick/raccoon/whoeverthefuckisreadingthis.

I am not perfect and never claim to be, but I have found that although short, life IS actually beautiful… once you get the dirty, nasty bullshit out of your temple and start to open yourself up to the opportunity of failing.

Keep your chin up, beautiful.

Stay Rad,

Asia Jade

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About the Creator

Barfing Butterflies

Talking about the things that make us feel stuff.... 'n stuff.

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