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Changing the Dialogue

Improve Your Life Through Subtle Changes

By R DPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Creating permanent change:

Perhaps the fastest and most effective way to improve your well-being immediately is by changing your inner dialogue. For just 15 minutes today I implore you to be an observer within your own mind. Sit back and take note of the way you naturally speak to and about yourself. You’ll be shocked to find out how utterly judgement our internal voice has become. We are so used to it hearing it day in and day out that we no longer recognize how nasty it can be.

Here is five minutes of my inner dialogue from just a few weeks ago:

  • Alarm goes off: Ahh so tired. Should have gone to bed earlier. Why did I stay up so late? Dummy.
  • Walk to bathroom and pass by the laundry room: I forgot to move the laundry into the drier last night, what an idiot. Now my husbands jeans are still wet. Stupid!
  • In bathroom I look into the mirror: My hair is so frizzy and I need to do my eyebrows ASAP. So bushy. Why is my hair this big? I wish I was one of those women that wake up with perfect hair.
  • Step on scale: Wow, I still haven't lost those last 15 from when I was pregnant. Need to get on that asap. I look like such a fatty. It’s already summer. Definitely not going to lose them in time. This is embarrassing.
  • Baby starts crying: I am such a bad mom. I should have picked her up sooner but I’m in here just staring at myself. She’s probably scared and wondering where I am. She’s going to be traumatized for life.

This goes on like this ALL DAY LONG.

This is a super destructive and unhealthy pattern. While you read this you’re probably thinking, Damn, that girl is really hard on herself and kinda crazy, none of those things are that serious. THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT! Yet, when it is you, you are immune to the judgment and feel just fine putting yourself down repeatedly over even the smallest of things.

What does your inner voice tell you? Stop here and take a few hours to listen to yourself. Write down the crazy things your mind tells you. Really write it down and take it in. Sit with the paper before you. When you look at it on paper do you realize how utterly inaccurate it is? Remember you are your own worst critic which means you also need to be your own advocate. Let’s fight for your happiness. If anybody else was this rude to you or somebody you love you’d send them straight to hell, yet we speak to ourselves this way everyday and think it’s fine.

It took a long way for me to shift my inner dialogue and I am not always perfect, but my inner voice now is so much more forgiving and honestly, way more fun to hang out with.

Are you ready to break these patterns and start thinking differently?

Let’s start by taking a few deep breaths. It’s important that we forgive ourselves. We are NOT who our brain/ego is trying to convince us we are. We are wonderful humans just working to navigate this thing called life and do the best we can. Now that we are aware of our minds thoughts, we are truly in control. From now on let’s take a vow to react to the voices in our heads positively. When we remember to catch a negative thought cross our mind, let’s replace the name calling with a thought of love. It can be an “I love you” or it can be a full “You are a funny, smart, quirky person and this is just something that makes you who you are.” Laugh it off and move on while staying conscious of how you are treating yourself. Reward yourself after a day of positive self talk by indulging in your favorite dessert or going out for a nice walk alone in nature to ground yourself. Remember this won’t happen overnight. Patterns are familiar, that's why they are comfortable. Keep at it, if we can change our internal dialogue, we can change our outer circumstances too.

Steps for breaking the negative self talk:

  • Consciously catch yourself and take deep breaths when you are working yourself up with a barrage of negative self talk.
  • Forgive yourself for speaking to yourself this way and focus your attention back inward.
  • Rephrase the negative phrase you told yourself into a positive one.
  • Don't dwell, keep moving on with your day.
  • Reflect at the end of the day and reward yourself for staying conscious of your self talk and spinning it into a loving thought.

Bonus:

If you are more motivated by monetary incentives, take out $25 in $1 bills. Set a jar in your home or somewhere highly visible. Every time you find yourself spiraling down a path of negative self talk put a dollar into the jar. Be honest with yourself and see how quickly that $25 goes! This might help you think twice about continuing to go down the self critical road so often. At the end of the week take all the money in the jar and donate it to your favorite charity or somebody in need. You’ll be glad you did.

Let's spread kindness to ourselves.

self help
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About the Creator

R D

Chipotle, Starwars, Pugs.

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