Challenge Yourself

Growing up, I had the worst self-esteem imaginable! I would always put myself down and allow others to put me down as well, not knowing that this was abusive. I just thought it was normal. When someone complimented me, I would argue with them and say that they were wrong. I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not anything nice they had to say. So many negatives running through my mind, always. My grandparents were the only adults in my life trying to combat all of the negative. I grew up to be an angry young adult. I couldn't feel truly happy because I thought that it would always go wrong. Then I became a mom and the negative thoughts skyrocketed! I didn't think I was doing anything right, thought I was a bad mom. The negative thoughts consumed me so badly that I attempted suicide. Not once, but twice, and thought about it much more than that. I finally sought help when I realized that in order to be happy, to allow myself to be happy, I needed to heal.

After a year of solid trauma therapy, my counselor and I began working on changing my thought processes. Every time I would say something negative about myself, he would have me change the thought to something positive. I was very active on Facebook and was seeing those Thanksgiving challenges and I was struck with inspiration. I was going to make up a challenge of my own, only instead of doing it for a month, I was going to do it for a year. Beginning on January first, I was going to come up with one thing a day, for 365 days, that I liked about myself. And I was going to post it on Facebook, for a couple of reasons.

1. To help me keep track
2. For accountability, and
3. To maybe help others

Now, a few years after doing the challenge, I seldom have negative thoughts about myself, and when I do, I am able to counter those thoughts with positive thoughts and know that the good ones are the truth. The following is an example of the positive aspect of self that I posted for my challenge.

Day 340 of 365 day challenge: I like that I have learned that not all of my happy childhood memories are gone! Thank you Pfeffernusse for transporting me back to Germany!

It didn't matter what I posted, some of the posts were repeats, all that mattered was that I came up with one thing that I liked about myself. There were days when it was something to do with my physical appearance. There were days when it was about my personality or my sense of style. Just as long as it was a positive thought about myself. And at the end of that year, the negative thoughts had gone. I no longer thought of myself as ugly, stupid, a bad mother, or any of those other negatives. I saw myself the way those that love me saw me, for the first time in my life!

Now I have decided to do another 365 day challenge. I have been struggling with my weight for 20 years. I would diet, lose 10-15 pounds, then plateau and stop losing, get frustrated and stop trying to lose. My current weight is starting to affect my thinking so it is time to do something about it. So, starting January 1, 2019, I am going to spend 10-15 minutes every day doing some form of exercise, live on Facebook.

1. To help me keep track and
2. For accountability.
3. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, I will inspire others.

Never believe that you don't have control over how you think/feel. You do, you just have to make a conscious decision, and an effort to take control! I found the new me doing the first challenge, and hope to find the old, physical me, doing the second challenge. Now, if you struggle with poor self-esteem, challenge yourself and find the new you! I wish you all nothing but strength and happiness in the coming new year!