Bittersweet

No one has everything figured out. Life is full of bittersweet moments for all of us even those who pretend it is glorious. Completely filled with fake nails, hair, and flawless make-up followed by “I woke up like this.” As far as to even have rented cars and vacation homes, the list goes on and on.

Social media has made it easy to live a fictitious life, making the rest of us feel as if we will never be able to live our dreams and we are not good enough to do so. Emotionally exhausting ourselves for not being able to achieve a certain goal when we expected and then to no surprise... Not good enough, not good enough, not good enough until the anxiety kicks in.

This is when I started asking myself why do I care about others success? Why am I unable to just focus on myself? Others cannot build or break me unless given the power to do so. I am completely sure none of these “successful” people had any intention of hurting me, in fact, they do not know I exist.

In that instant, I made a choice to focus on myself. Who am I? This question sparked even more anxiety in me. I went to culinary school, so I guess I can cook, but am I a chef or cook? I know how to be in a relationship, so am I someone's partner? I know how to bartend, so am I a bartender? So on and so forth.

None of these characteristics truly define who I am at the end of the day. I asked a few friends who know me to the core what they think about me and about who I am to them. The answers I received either made me sad or did not fulfill my expectations. Some of the answers were, Lis are you okay? What is wrong with you? And even you are my friend, what do you mean? Stop being weird. Until those who truly matter the most said, you are the most hardworking person I know, you are passionate, you are the person I trust the most and talking to you calms me down.

All of those words made me feel worthy and I soon realized where I belong. I learned to let go of those who are not meant to be part of my life. We encounter many who may have a mission to build us, make us better or just simply leave a specific life lesson all while creating stories and touching each other’s hearts for the good or bad. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide how we will react to these situations.

Letting go can feel like a bitter task, but the truth is it was not until I realized how much damage and anxiety it was causing me by holding on to my past that I learned to just let go and free my spirit from unnecessary pain.

My anxious moments are no longer tied to the opinions of others. I am living in the present and now seeing it is SWEET when it is meant to be SWEET. BITTER when it is meant to be BITTER. Because, how will we learn to enjoy those sweet moments without any bitter ones?

Now, I wake up, tie my hair up in a bun to bake cookies, a loaf of banana bread or peanut butter protein balls to add a dash of sugar to my gloomy days. Kind words can work the same way for the soul.

“Be easy on yourself, you still got time.”—Seeker.