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Beauty in the Eyes of Yourself

Life Without Validation

By McKenzie SimmonsPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Look in the mirror. Are you looking at your own reflection? Your own pure, raw, unaltered self? Or are you looking at the reflection of someone who might be overly affected by the wants and desires of society?

I think it’s safe to say most, if not all of us are all somewhat societally impacted. We follow trends, change our hair, wear that pricey top we saw in some magazine or on Instagram at some point. As a hairstylist in the making, I most definitely admit I tend to try and keep up with trends or societal “ins.” Although my point is, are you looking at a reflection that brings you—and only you—satisfaction?

For years I’ve constantly asked myself, “What does it mean to be happy?”

It’s such a loaded question. Everyone has different answers and ways of going about finding happiness. In all honesty, I’m not sure I’ve answered my own question quite yet; not totally sure I ever will. However, I think I may have found a good start, and it all begins with living for yourself and no one else.

It’s a harder concept than some realize. People go the entirety of their lives living and looking the way they think will earn the acceptance of everyone around them. I know this because that’s been at least a solid twelve years of my existence. All throughout growing up I constantly—almost obsessively—checked the mirror. Friends and family would catch me and offer an “Oh my God, you look fine,” or a “Like looking at yourself, much?”

What they didn’t realize was that I wasn’t checking myself out. I was engaging in an extremely unhealthy ritual of constant self-reassurance; a sad and exhausting way to live.

It was upon reaching my early twenties that I realized I wasn’t alone. Every day we are surrounded by two types of people; those who walk the streets with little to no concern as to who is watching, and those who are hyper-aware of every pair of eyes that may or may not land on them. Some may call the latter an almost social anxiety of sorts, or more simply just extreme insecurity... maybe a little of both. Whatever the case may be, this subconsciously constant search for external acceptance can easily drain one’s energy and take away from the very real beauty that they already carry with them every day.

I’m not saying some occasional validation from outside parties isn’t okay. A “you’re beautiful” or “wow that looks so good on you” isn’t something you should actively try and not feel happiness from. It’s all comes down to how much weight in happiness you allow simple compliments. Without feeding your ego too heavily, look at little affirmations such as these as reminders and reminders only to your worth; never answers.

“Am I beautiful?”

“Does this outfit look good?”

“Should I cut my hair off?”

“Am I happy?”

I have been in a long, unhealthy relationship with validation from a very young age until recently. I won’t pretend I’ve completely broken it off. Although I can say with complete conviction that I have distanced myself with it in ways I never thought I would be able to do so. It’s resulted in an empowering self-awareness and complete change in my energy.

This world is a hard one to live in. It’s filled with opinions you didn’t ask for, quiet and not-so-quiet judgement, and ongoing scrutiny. Immunity to all of it is completely obtainable; the only catch being that it must be built up all within yourself.

If you’re the second type of person I described before, know that I, too, have lost my breath to the fear of screwing up any given moment, smiled through the relentless pounding of my heart against my chest at totally random instances, and cried at insults I never actually heard leave someone’s mouth. I don’t know if it ever really goes away completely. I just know that the journey to true and unwavering self-acceptance must absolutely start—and finish—with you.

self help
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