summer sheehan
Stories (4/0)
Exposing Myself
I’m in a 10 day self development workshop. The goal of this workshop is to explore my shadow and integrate with my rejected aspects of self, eventually coming to a place of full acceptance and love. That means owning everything I'm ashamed of that I bury deep down inside hoping no one will ever find out. All these aspects stem back to one thing and one thing only: fear. The things I judge about you are the things I have rejected within myself, and as I start to accept myself fully, I can accept you. As I've explored these aspects, I’ve been faced with many challenges. One is admitting they exist, and shedding light on them since I’ve tucked them away in the deepest parts of myself. They are things that I truly believe, then hide away neglecting their need to be accepted, resulting in self sabotage and victimization. But today will be different. Today I will expose the ugliest parts of myself, in turn exposing them for what they really are; FEAR,false evidence appearing real. Facing my fear and exposing them to you will take away all their power over me. Everyday you have a choice, love or fear. Today I choose love.
By summer sheehan6 years ago in Motivation
My Depression
It's like a hole. I'm walking without a care in the world until I fall. It's a deep dark hole that never ends, but I don't go easy. I grasp to the sides and I cling for my life because accepting my fate would be surrendering to the darkest parts of myself, and I still can't accept that she exists. She's ugly, worthless, she's never good enough. She won't amount to anything so she can't be part of me.
By summer sheehan6 years ago in Psyche
Judging Makes You Blind
Just after we arrived to the bar and got our first round, my friends and I proceeded to the dance floor as we stood in a closed off circle. It was early in the night and the vibe was off due to the lack of people and energy in the room. As we half-assed danced and made small talk amongst our tight knit group, a random girl in a Tigger onesie approached us dancing like a quote on quote crazy person. She was ethnic, a little heavier than average with her onesie half on and tied around her waste revealing some type of bra/shirt. As she danced and acted outside of the "accepted" bar behavior, intruding our bubble and sticking around for an awkward length of time, we all looked at each other questioning what on earth was going on. I saw the judgement on my friends' faces as we all waited for her to move on to the next, but she didn’t. She stuck around making crazy faces, flailing her arms and body as if she had been dared to embarrass herself. Welcoming us to join in, but not phased that we weren’t. I felt the judgment come over me, yet something happened that is a true testament to my recent self work and growth; I challenged myself in that very moment. I asked myself, “why is my immediate reaction to judge someone instantly, only knowing about her that she clearly does not give a fuck what we think about her?” I needed to know more. A curiosity washed over me as I realized I could never do what she was doing, so I said, “Hey, are you on some type of drugs or do you just not care what anyone thinks?” A smile filled her face, and through her eyes I realized she was completely clear, present, and sober. Her answer was profound. She told me she was questioning life. She had lost two close friends in the past week to drugs and suicide, and she just couldn’t bear to take life seriously any longer. She told me about all the people she has lost throughout her life and her own near death experience. She had battled such depression that it led her to finally give up and down a bottle of prescription pills. As she lay there on her bed, body limp and lifeless, her consciousness was still playing a part. A figure arose in front of her. It appeared as the devil, but in time she realized it was none other than her own self staring back at her. It was the self she pegged as the failure, a loser, the version of herself that lacked all strength and power. This version laughed in her face, taunting her, repeating “HA HA, you gave up.” She realized in that moment she had succumbed to the darkest part of herself; she let it win and in turn gave up the experience of life that she was given. She fought, she resisted, she ultimately decided she would not go out this way. She will not give IN to the negativity and pressure of life that brought her to the point of utter hopelessness.
By summer sheehan6 years ago in Humans
Self Worth
I used to think that I needed to jump on every opportunity, that every chance missed was a door shut and a step backwards. I thought what the universe presented to me was what I needed at the time, until I found myself living in a reality that wasn’t aligned with my true authenticity; in simplistic terms, it didn’t feel good. Your current reality is a reflection of your self worth. Not your actual worth, but the worth you believe yourself to have, because those are two very different things. You may believe you can’t get better than that unfulfilling job with the shitty boss. I bet you justify it every day in your head or to others, or better yet, you blame. What you really deserve is purpose, fulfillment, something that lights your soul on fire. But you don’t believe that, do you? I bet you’re even thinking, well not me, or I’ll never find that, or someday but not today. But here’s the truth: the universe only wants us to grow into our full authentic versions of self, and we are conditioned and taught off that path. We have learned to SURVIVE instead of THRIVE. The people, the places, the things, in your life are all manifestations of what you have attracted, accepted, and most of the time settled for.
By summer sheehan6 years ago in Motivation