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A Resolution More Attainable

How to Make New Years Resolutions so That You Don't Get Overwhelmed and Quit Before You Start

By Paige GraffunderPublished 5 years ago 7 min read
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Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

We all like to think that we are going to be different people as soon as the year changes. It's almost romantic, the optimism that so many of us enter the changing of the year with. "New year, new me." is seen splashed across lots of Instagram posts, and gyms see an uptick in memberships. Programs like blue apron, and daily harvest see an uptick in customers, and everyone remembers the password to their My Fitness Pal log in. In addition, a lot of us set personal goals for things other than weight loss. Things like getting out of debt, and meeting that special someone, or continuing an existing relationship, maybe even taking that relationship to the next level. Some of us strive to be more mindful about ourselves, to meditate, to do yoga, to start therapy again. There are a million things we can resolve to do. But sometimes, in our optimism, we shoot ourselves in the foot, and render ourselves incapable of even starting. This is doubly true for people with certain mental illnesses like Bipolar Disorder and variations of Attention Deficit Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. That initial optimism can make us set unrealistic goals, that in the cold light of the morning on New Years Day seem so daunting, we just don't even try. So here are some tips on NOT overwhelming yourself, on setting realistic goals, and how to trick your brain into working for you instead of against you.

1. Levels 1, 2, & 3!

So when it comes to things like weight loss, paying off debt, or saving money, I like to game-ify my goals. Making it more like a game with different levels that I have to beat. I find that if I do this, then I have something to satisfy the part of me that is deeply competitive without hurting anyone's feelings. I can beat the levels! So for example, I lost 70 lbs last year, which was not my ultimate goal, but it was really close to it! I did this by making myself some levels with boss fights! First I set a level 1 goal of 10 lbs, and then set myself little challenges; such as, "Say no to a food item that is offered," "Skip the three o'clock snack," or, "Spend minutes at the gym instead of 30." If I met all the challenges, I usually ended up completing the level. Somewhere toward the end of the year, I lost track of this, sop I ultimately was not successful in my overall goal, but I was still successful enough because for the first nine months of the year I beat every level. More importantly, because I was able to break down my goal of LOSING 100 lbs into smaller chunks of weight, I didn't burden myself with the expectation that it had to happen immediately. This works with saving money and paying off debt, too! Just make yourself little goals, monthly or quarterly, or whatever seems to be consumable for you. The further you break it down the easier it is to meet those goals, the more consumable those pieces are to get to where you are going.

2. Change your words, change your mind.

Last year I endeavored to eat better, and largely I did. Cutting out gluten and most processed sugar, (Listen, I just really like redbull ok?!?!) and endeavoring to eat more vegetables. But I mean when you say it like that it sounds like you are just taking things away from you that make you happy. Right? I mean bread is delicious and so are sodas, so why would you deprive yourself? That's the wrong attitude! So instead of saying, I am going to take these things away from myself and replace them with these, I just simplified it. I really enjoy eating soup, and I really enjoy making soup. I pack at least 10 servings of vegetables into every soup I make, so instead of saying I will not eat bread and sugar, I said, I will eat more soup! You know what? It freaking worked! I made and ate a lot of soup! I tried new recipes, I had fun with it, I learned to make cream based soups without flour, and learned the many many uses of corn starch. I also got really good at hiding sneaky vegetables in recipes that normally wouldn't have them. This year I would like to focus more on caloric intake than vegetable content, so I am going to see how many ingredients I can use to make meals under 500 calories. If I make it fun and interesting for myself I am much more likely to stick with it.

3. Accountability isn't just for therapy.

Listen, it is really important that you have yourself a person who will check up on you. I know it seems really shitty to have to make someone responsible for you, someone who will nag you, but it is kind of important. Anytime I set a goal for myself and don't tell anyone about it, I ultimately fail, and I fail because I start to rationalize letting myself slide on a few little things that become big things. Get a gym buddy, get a friend who will come cook those healthy meals with you. But most importantly get someone who will cheer your victories, as well as nag you about your failures. Just having someone pester you about what you aren't doing without rewarding the things you are doing gets boring, and becomes just as ineffective. Humans are deeply social creatures, even us introverts, so having a friend who wants similar things to help us reach our goals, and in turn we can help them reach theirs, is really I think a pivotal part to the successful completion of any New Years resolution.

4. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

The more you do a thing the more likely you are to continue to do it. Sometimes just the act of saying things over and over again will help you resolve yourself to completing something. I do this all the time. I wake up, and I say, "I am going to accomplish task A at work today," or whatever the case may be and I repeat it to myself over and over until it is done. Doing this also helps keep whatever it is at the forefront of my mind, so I keep focused on it. For example, one of my resolutions is to do my partner one act of service, or pay them a compliment that is not related to their looks a day. So when I am coming home from work I think of all the things I could do, pick one, and repeat it to myself. "I will take out the garbage, and tell them that I really appreciate their kindness to strangers." And then when I get home, I take out the garbage, and tell them that I appreciate their kindness to strangers, and I have done my daily task to improve my relationship with them through the year.

5. Forgive if you forget.

Just like a person in recovery from substance abuse, it is always important to acknowledge when you backslide, and get back on the horse. If you miss some goals, that's ok, it's just like missing a turn on your GPS, recalculate and find another route to get where you are going. Wallowing in self guilt isn't going to make your backslide go away, and it isn't going to recover the lost time or effort faster. Forgive yourself, acknowledge the mistake, identify the things that contributed to its occurrence, and move forward, recalculation the course to success as you do it. It is ok, we are all only human, and as much as we would all like to believe that we are perfect, we aren't and we just have to accept that. Also there is some room in the design for this. If you are trying to, for example, save for a new car, and you accidentally forget yourself and splurge on an item that you have wanted for a long time, that's ok. You got something, and made the trade off for the longer time without the car, or more going to the car fund in future weeks. It is all give and take, and you are only giving to and taking from yourself. Remember that and it will make it easier to recover from missteps.

In closing, I wish you all the best in your endeavors to be better humans, and to make the world a better place in 2019. I know that all of you are capable of doing anything that you set your minds to, as long as it is presented in a way that you can handle it. If any of these things helped you, let me know! I always love hearing from my readers!

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About the Creator

Paige Graffunder

Paige is a published author and a cannabis industry professional in Seattle. She is also a contributor to several local publications around the city, focused on interpersonal interactions, poetry, and social commentary.

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