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I have always been the kind of person to sit back and watch everything happen, have decisions made for me, told how to do certain things. Its not that i wasn't ready to spread my wings, it was the fear of hurting people all around me. I hate being the person that stands up to someone and goes against their wishes. It makes me feel horrible in the end. I have recently went through a ton of emotions with the big changes that have been happening in my life. I am exhausted of sitting back and watching everyone but me have a say in my life. If you feel like this please keep reading.
I am currently 19 years old. I live in a small town in New York State. I have not always lived here, I have moved around a lot actually. When I was younger i started out in Pennsylvania. Halfway through fourth grade my dad moved to Texas to be with his family and my mom stayed in PA. (They have been divorced since I was six months old...) I was a big daddy's girl. I liked the cars, racing, and I even liked football, as long as i was with my dad. Sadly when he moved I was very unhappy with my mom. Looking back on it now I feel so bad for taking it out on her but at the time I didn't know any better. After I passed fourth grade I moved to Texas to live with my dad. WORST MISTAKE EVER! Going into fifth grade not knowing anyone was horrible. I looked goofy to everyone. I made okay grades but it wasn't good enough for my dad so he sat down and talked to my teachers and they decided it was best for me to be held back and try harder. I was so upset about this because I had just made friends with these people who thought I was some kind of weirdo and now I had just failed a grade. Soon after the year started, I made a very good friend named Reilee. She was a big part in my life that helped me get past all of the bumps I kept hitting in my path.
I spent three years in Texas and realized I needed my mom in my life. So as you can guess I did what any other kid would do, I moved back home with my mom. This time home was in New York State. As soon as I moved here i made tons of friends and I was happy and it was great but it wasn't good enough. I ended up missing my dad again and it was so hard because at this point I knew I was going to get in trouble if I kept moving back and fourth. That didn't stop me though...I ended up moving back to Texas for 2 and a half years...I know, it wasn't a lot but this time it got more complicated. My dad showed his true colors to me. I had never disliked me dad, I thought he was perfect. He was just good at hiding things until I got old enough to see them. So I moved back home with my mom, my stepdad, and my sister so I could have a family again.
That brings us to now, where the new beginnings start in my life. I have lived in New York State for two and a half years. I graduated from high school. I also graduated from a trade school for Cosmetology. Now for my next move. Like I said at the beginning, I was the person to sit in the back and not have a say so but I am done being stepped on and taken advantage of. I have made the decision to move back to Texas. I am going back to school for a year to catch up on the hours I need for Cosmetology in Texas and then I want to go back to school for Dermatology. Hopefully one day I want to go back to school for business so I can run my own skin care business. It was a lot to decide, especially since it was all on my own but I came up with a great plan for my life and goals to look forward to.
Now I am this happy, energetic person just wanting to live out her dreams. I had to tell myself through everything I've went through that the grass was always going to be greener on the other side and things would get better I just had to push through the obstacles first. Let me tell you, people at the new schools didn't make this very easy. I was bullied and pushed around like I was a nobody. I had to tell myself I was somebody. All the courage I have been building up these last couple of years has helped me to start my very own YouTube channel to show off my makeup skills. The courage has helped me to go on a live stream on You Now every week to meet new people and expand my channel. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not good enough because you are! Don't hide in the shadows and be shy because then the people who truly do care won't get to see how much of an amazing person you are.