Motivation logo

A Mile in My Armor

(Personal)

By JC .Published 6 years ago 3 min read
Like

I have spent the last few years of my life afraid of something undefinable and because of my irrational fear, I have restrained myself from the experiences that are necessary in order to for me grow as a person. It took a long time for me to see that there are some things that we simply can not learn by just watching others or through listening to stories, we must experience them ourselves and to put what I've been going through into better terms, I feel as if I’ve been fighting a never ending battle and regardless of how brutally I fight and how long my stamina holds me up for, I always end the day feeling as though I lost and missed out on everything that I was supposed to be experiencing. I understand that we all have to fight our own battles and that some are worse than others, but mine has gotten to the point where the armor that I force myself to strap on every day is breaking my back and I am just tired and ready to rid myself of all of the negativity that wraps itself around me. I spent a lot of time trying to point my finger at something or someone to blame but that just ends up creating an unwanted batch of bitterness inside of me that brews and steeps until it comes out; a hot cup of misery with a side of frustration served fresh for anyone who happens to catch me on that particular day. At times I find myself struggling to be a part of the world because I have yet to learn my place here and it's confusing because the fear that I have for that undefinable something always holds me back from discovering the parts of me that I have to discover.

But after waiting patiently for a very long time and wishing on all of my lucky stars, I finally saw a light through a crack in one of the four walls that I spent so long building up around myself. Instead of patching it up and pretending like it had never existed as I had done in the past, I started to take my small theoretical pick axe and little by little make the small crack a bit bigger. By doing so, I found more light. I found myself here, attempting to share my story with the world and write down whatever words come into my mind in hopes that someone out there fights a battle in armor just like mine. Exposing myself publicly is probably the hardest thing that I have ever done but this is the first step for me. I want answers. I want real sunshine to spread around. I want to experience a period of nothing but halcyon days. I want to fall in love. I want to get my heart broken. I want to break hearts. I want to FEEL ALIVE. I want to be scared and hurt and worried and excited. I just want it to be MY TURN and I've waited years for it be on the horizon. Now that it's here, I feel like I'm ready to live my life the way that I want to and I'm ready take everything that I have gone through and use it as a lesson instead of as an excuse. I'm young and I deserve to experience life on my own terms. I'm done walking around with a cloud over my head and fighting the battle that goes on inside of me with a forced smile on my face. This is my life and I am taking the reigns back from the darkness inside of me.

healing
Like

About the Creator

JC .

doing a bit of soul searching. enjoy.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.