A Do-Over

Imagine you find a cute little container in a thrift or antique shop, it’s got a little smudge on the side of it, so you buff it out with the hem of your shirt, and suddenly the world around you stops and stands stills. A big puff of purple smoke pops out, and a strange Robin Williams looking dude with gold bands around his hands offers you one chance at a do over. What would you do-over? Which single decision would you change?

If I could get one do-over, I'd go back to the day I decided to actually take out loans and go back to school. Instead of teaching, I'd have chosen to become a writer; researching interesting topics, writing book reviews, or creating short stories. Just because something is practical and rewarding, doesn't mean its life full-filling. I wish I had followed my dream. I had wanted to write since I was in the second grade. I had even been encouraged to do so by my teacher, and my parents, at one point a friend of theirs even offered to help me get published. The fear of failure, or rejection of the idea I held most dear held me way back. I managed to complete my first manuscript when I was 19, a mere 90 pages took me almost six years to write and complete, and it has been an overlooked file for almost five years now.

If I had had the common sense to start school doing what I really wanted, rather than following my back up plan (simply because it was the more logical choice) I would probably be finished with my degree already as my passion for literature and journalism would have fueled me through each and every assignment. It could have fostered growth and provided practice prompts to encourage my creativity in various ways.

What I want out of life is fulfillment, and that particular feeling has yet to linger within me for more than a couple of months. Maybe it is because I easily get bored, and crave adventure, and the ability to expand within my own imagination. Now that I am nearly done with my “logical” degree choice, the idea that it is almost over is the only thing that continually drives me. I want to have the time to start a blog, publish my book and do more than just wait for the next big opportunity. I’m tired of trying to live as though what I am doing is worth it—when it is most definitely NOT worth it.

You are probably thinking, “But Autumn, all schooling and knowledge is worth it,” and you would be right, it can be worth it. However, the bottom line, is that as an education major, there is absolutely nothing else other than “write” and “blog” that I can do realistically anyway. But my program does nothing to nurture those kinds of professions. I haven’t been taught the skills, and when it comes time to utilize what I have learned, I will be stuck in a classroom.

But enough with my whining, I’ll get to my point, if you are reading this, and you still have no idea what you want to do with your life, or you’re thinking about going back to college but don’t know what to do it for, consider first, the one thing you’ve always wanted to become YOUR WHOLE LIFE, not just what you think will be the safest option. That was how I chose, and I have regretted the decision for more than half of my time in studying. Follow your passion, it is about time we started following our dreams. Maybe then more of us would have healthier, happier lives.