30 Journal Entries for Self Discovery - Day 29

I can't believe we're on our second to last day. Welcome all to day 29. This is so hard. I'm sad I won't be writing everyday, or rather, I always write everyday, I'm sad I won't be following a prompt and discussing it with all of you following along. Here is another beautiful quote to keep all you awesome people writing: "Always write as if you're talking to someone. It works. Don't put on any fancy phrases or accents or things you wouldn't say in real life." - Maeve Binchy

Day 29: Write a letter to the first person that pops into your mind.

To my aunt,

You've been on my mind a lot in the last couple weeks. I've been worried about you, as most of the family has. I don't know if you've even noticed that we're worried about you, because you focus so much of yourself on worrying if we're okay. I'm writing to tell you that we're fine. It's you we're worried about.

Grandma getting as sick as she did was mind numbingly scary. Watching you take care of her was beautiful and painful. You have been holding this family together and I'm so concerned about how you're holding yourself together. I'd also like to apologize for forgetting to tell you happy birthday during that time. We were all so worried about grandma. That is by no means an excuse. I'm sorry. I can't say that enough. Of course, I worry about the rest of our family. I watched dad after grandma passed and he did not take it well. It's scary watching people you look up to fall apart.

It's scarier because I feel like you haven't let yourself fall apart yet. I know that's not your strong point and maybe you have let yourself fall apart behind closed doors and I just don't know it. You are, after all, the strong one.

I have always looked up to you. Don't get me wrong, there were brief moments in time where you were not my favorite person, like when you forced me to do my homework every day while you were taking care of us. Definitely not my favorite moments. But you also took us out to lunch at least once a month to keep on how we were doing. Our vacations together were some of my favorite childhood memories. You brought out the explorer in me. You still guilt me sometimes into telling you the problems in my life and offer a thousand ways to help. You have always been a rock in my life. So it scares me to see you in such a delicate state.

You are obviously more than allowed to be in a delicate state but it scares me because you don't talk to me about it. I hope you're sharing with someone about it. I hope you are taking time to mourn because you, of all people, deserve to take time to mourn. Losing someone that close to you requires a mourning period and our family is not the best at embracing that mourning period. We're actually very skilled at avoiding it. I just pray that this time, you are not avoiding it. I pray that you are taking the time to let yourself be sad and let yourself cry.

Anyway, to the aunt who has always made sure everyone else is okay, I hope you are okay. I hope you are taking time for you. I hope we can get together soon and maybe, for a change, I can take you out to lunch. I love you. Please call me if you need anything, anything at all.

Love always,

Michelle

My thoughts: I believe this was a great question. It actually inspired me to write a few of my other loved ones too. I think it's a great way to look at who you are truly worried about, or thinking about, or just miss. Beautiful self-discovery question. Also a great way to remind people that notes are not a dead art but in fact, a beautiful way to communicate feelings.