3 Tips to Being Happier

There we were, sitting at the kitchen table. My toddler and I in a stalemate over an important decision, whether or not to eat dinner. On this day, like many others, it was apparent that things were not going well for my toddler, and he was overwhelmed by his situation. With no way out, he chose to sit and pout. He was clearly not happy, and there was nothing that was going to change his mind. Then we tried something that may have changed dinner forever…

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt determined in your feelings to keep being upset because it felt right? If you have then congratulations! You are normal!

While frustration for eating dinner is not on the scale of things we face every day, it does draw some similarities with things that happen to us all the time.

At work, school, or in our families, we all are surrounded by scenarios and situations to ruffle our feathers and push our buttons. It seems the easier choice in almost all cases is to push back with anger to balance how we feel inside.

We might even think being happy is often something that is for “other” people, or people who are optimistic. To make things more complicated, if we try “to be” happy, it often makes us feel WORSE because we realize how unhappy we are.

So what can we do about it…?

Back to our dinner table story.

…In that moment I remembered a parenting tactic called “Submit your children to do your will and be happy.” No, not really, that is not a thing. What I did try next though changed the course of the night.

We shifted the conversation from what was generating the most unhappiness, which in this case was the food, and focused it towards something my toddler was grateful for. At first we started small with things like “the sky” or “our house,” but soon what we noticed was that his frustration was de-escalating.

So why did this happen?

Despite what many multitaskers might say, our mind is like a stage which can really only have one thing on at a time.

This can work in our favor when trying to rid ourselves of negative feelings; because as we force ourselves to think of something, anything, even something small that we are grateful for, the stage of the mind has to replace what was there before. Gratitude by definition is “the quality of being thankful and having readiness to show appreciation.”

When we start to think of what we are grateful for, it reminds us to take a step back and look outside the moment we are in. In almost every case, doing just this will rid us of headaches, backaches, heartaches, and any other ache. It turns out that when we take a step back, we usually see a bigger picture and can process what is happening.

Will being grateful solve all of our problems. No, but it will increase our ability to see beyond our single moment in time and appreciate all we have, all we’ve done, all we will do, and all we can do. And that is what truly brings us hope for a brighter day, or a better tomorrow.

Will there still be days that are frustrating?

Of course. And we can meet those days with determination and resolve to be grateful. To truly become practiced there are three things that really help to harness the power of gratitude.

1. Start small and work to big.
2. Say it out loud.
3. Express gratitude.

1. Start small and work to big.

When our day is not going well, it can be hard to think of a single thing we are grateful for. However, even the smallest thing, like being grateful for “being able to breath,” can start a snowball effect. Let your ideas continue, even to the bigger things like the house you live in, your job, etc.

2. Say it out loud.

There is a proven effect with saying things out loud. It makes it “real” in your mind and gives you a chance to really believe what you are saying.

3. Express Gratitude.

After we are grateful for something or someone, we want to share it. By reaching out and showing gratitude to others, we engage in service and other acts of kindness. This has a powerful effect because by worrying about how to help someone else, we are worrying less about us. A word of gratitude goes a long way; after all, we can never assume that anyone knows how much we are grateful for them.

I challenge you to give it a try.

If this resonates with you, share it.