Love Yourself

I have a question. You might be inclined to deny, for the sake of not seeming self-conscious or insecure. But have you ever thought you were ugly, unattractive, or unappealing in any way? Maybe you think your eyelashes are too short? Maybe you think your hair is too straight or unruly and curly? Maybe you think you're not skinny or curvy enough? Maybe you have a flat tush or a big booty? Maybe you don't like those hairs all over your body? Maybe stretch marks? Your skin color? Eye color? Hair color? Maybe you think your lips are too small or too big?

Maybe you spend hours of your life where you can be doing things that make you happy such as getting those nice extra hours of sleep getting ready. Or a proper meal. Or not have to drink coffee so often you become addicted because you're always rushing everything, trying to squeeze your busy lifestyle in, where you have no free time to be able to dance or sing like no one is around like you used to. Or you look around at other people envying how they look and dress and how confident they are with a lot of expensive and unnecessary to life or happiness. Clothes, make up, shoes, purses, cars, jewelry. Wondering how can they still have anything in their wallet and not be stressed all the time with debts and bills.

Well you know what? It makes me stressed to look at them, too.

Wanna know what is the most common thing people tell themselves and other people? That they're too ugly. Or too fat. Too skinny. Too poor. Or anything else that makes them not feel like they're just not good enough no matter how much they try. Well, stop. First, that is bullying. Second, it's not just insulting them, your basically insulting their entire family who have the same genes and similar features.

When you tell someone they're ugly, you're calling their mom and dad who made them ugly. You're calling their aunts, and uncles, and grandparents ugly. Their siblings and cousins ugly. Their niece and nephews ugly. And to those who call themselves ugly. Would you ever call anyone in your family ugly? Would you ever call your kids now or in the future ugly cause they look just like you? Would you tell them they need to go to the gym? Would you tell them they need expensive clothes, houses, shoes, make up, cars, and jewelry? And they're not good enough for this picky, artificial world?

When your child is first born or even while pregnant, is what you first think of and worry about is how cute they're going to be? Or do you worry if they're actually going to even be born? If you won't get a miscarriage and lose it, or if they will be born with a defect or not healthy? If they will be smart and learn faster than all the other kids? If they will be happy, sweet, talented, and stubborn kids who knows what they what in life and who they want to be? Who instead of looking at the mirror and hating everything you gave to them, what you spend 9 months carrying and hours of painful labor to give, wondering if you're going to be a good parent if you have enough resources to support them and raise them with no deprivation. If they will have the privileges that you didn't, and all they can do is look at themselves and want to change everything.

If I ever heard my kids call themselves ugly or care so much more than anything else how they look I would go to my room and cry. I would realize the hard way. THIS is what I lost hundred of hours of sleep for, THIS is what I kept checking every night to see if their tiny lungs are still breathing. For them to learn how to talk and the first thing they say are curse words. For them to learn how to walk and they dance sexually and provocatively. For them to dress themselves up for the first time and barely be wearing anything. For them to burn their necks and ears with a hair straighter. For them to waste all their allowance and free time trying to prove themselves worthy in the eyes of their peers. Wanting more and more attention as if I've failed as a parent and didn't give them enough affection. As if I didn't tell them all the time how cute they are. Or how much I love them. As if my how proud I am of them already and my opinion of them doesn't matter.

When you disrespect yourself, you're also disrespecting your family and any one and everyone who cares about you. Yes, unfortunately not everyone has someone who cares. Lots of people are convinced no one does. It's a shame. It's disgraceful and unfair.

People often ask me why don't I "take care of myself." In my opinion, I am and have been doing an upstanding job at being the person I always wished. I've become a brutally honest person, I try to be as kind and generous and accepting as possible. I've forgiven a lot of people who've done me wrong. And I am proud to be the weird, loving, pain in the butt person I've become. I love my personality. I don't consider myself pretty, but I don't think I'm ugly either. After all I have a beautiful, tiny mom who looks half her age. Who sometimes makes me feel bad when she wants to change how she looks. It's almost like she thinks her offspring is not pretty enough, too.

I suffered and struggled a lot. I've been bullied. I've dealt with unspeakable things one should not have to. And when people ask me these questions, assuming according to life standards created by who knows and who cares, I'm not even trying. As if surviving in this world in this corrupt generation where people's favorite hobbies are the act of reproducing just to make their child emotionally isolated which sometimes, turns into suicide. Where being sad or lonely and worried and frustrated is a mental disorder, but self hate and discrimination isn't.

And instead of giving moral support and lots of compliments and inspiration and being an emotional cheerleader, they give you pills as if it is a portal to an alternative world where you are respected and love and get paid JUST for being yourself and doing what you love even if you'd do it for free, and you have lots of friends and your family is always there for you. Sorry, you're ignorant if you think life works like that. No one knows how much pain it is to know you're born and trapped in a world where everything you do is against your will or mandatory until they hit rock bottom. And they can't handle all the pressure so they give up. No other place where you are free and encouraged to be yourself except in your imagination. And it's simply never enough. You're never enough.

So please, I beg of you, anyone who's been touched in any way by what I said, please consider it, think about it. And whether or not you have the courage to not care. And to put your self freedom before other's judgements. Look in the mirror. And every single flaw you THINK you have there will be that one quirky person with a different mindset who will adore you for those same reasons. Cause even I still have doubts anyone would love to put up with this (me). But there has to be. Surely. And I'll be so happy when that day comes. So just be patient. And in the meantime, be who you would like others to be. And do things you love. Eat. Because food is delicious. Animals and plants are sacrificed to keep you alive. So don't let it be in vain and enjoy your life. You don't need stress. It's bad for your skin and health. You're all awesome. And I don't like to lie. So you can believe me. Because I believe in you.