Learning

Throughout life I, as have many others I'm sure, have gone through things I thought I wouldn't make it out of; felt pain, I thought would never end, and had new feelings I've never experienced and didn't know how to deal with. Getting through these difficult times and new experiences have made me who I am now and are what has taught me all the important lessons that will help me get through whatever challenge comes next. There’s a quote, from ‘Looking For Alaska’ by John Green that says, “We can’t know better until knowing better is useless”. I think this is the basic premise of learning from your mistakes, that until you've lived through it and overcome the challenge you don't know that you wish you knew what you know now sooner, but at least you'll know for the next time so you don't have to make the same mistakes twice. I strongly believe that you have to make your own mistakes and go through your own challenges to truly learn the most important lessons in life.

One experience, in particular, that taught me something I know will stick with me for the rest of my life, is how dangerous the idea that a person can be more than a person, really is. I made the treacherous mistake of creating an idea of a person that didn't actually exist. I saw this person from just the outside, it was like looking at my window and seeing a reflection and thinking that's what was on the other side. Not until I really looked outside did I see what was actually going on, not until I let light come in and let light get out. It wasn't until I actually saw them, when they let me really see them that I found out who they were, until then all I had were these ideas that I built on and modified for my own needs. I held them on a pedestal and expected them to fulfill the fantasies I had and when they didn't it was somehow their fault. I was so incredibly selfish and I knew I was but did nothing about it, I either had to get to know the real them and accept them or let them go. What I decided was that I had to let them go for both our sakes because, in the end, I left us both hurting because they weren’t what I expected them to be and they felt bad for not being who I thought they were when it was not their fault at all. The realization that I had no idea who they actually were scared me too much to be able to look out the window and really see outside, and to let the light come in and let the light get out. Until then, I was just looking at ideas, fake and dangerous ideas. From this lesson I now know I have to take people as they are and I can recognize now, when I am seeing a reflection, and when I am really looking out the window, seeing the real them. I know that I can’t allow myself to get attached to an idea of someone when I know it is not real, but most of all I have realized letting go of the idea that you've become attached to is the hardest part, no matter how many times you tell yourself it was not real. It always surprises me when a challenge presents itself in my life and I realize I have already gone through something like this and because of that, I know how to maturely deal with the problem. It is one of my favorite aspects of growing up and I know now how important learning from your own mistakes is.