I Forgot How To Life

So, hello. Welcome to my typical, "where to begin" beginning to my story, or article, whatever you wanna call it. First, let me just state outright that I for one am not a writer so please excuse any disgusting writing styles you WILL come across. Secondly, I have a sarcastic sense of humour, which is often at the expense of myself or my closest friends so please bear with me. Lastly, as another sort of introduction to you all about what this writing is (or is trying to be), to be honest I don't really know. I guess you could call it an open invitation to my new diary or even just me ranting about my life that really shouldn't be this hard. Either way, I hope you enjoy what we can call the "Unknown" Series.

So, yes, where to begin? Well it all started when I was born...just kidding (see horrible sense of humour). I'll start with high school. High school to me was easy. I mean, yes, I had probably 12 dozen different friendship groups pass by by the time I was out and, yes, I did fall "victim" to a couple of mean girls throughout my time and, yes, I had a couple of sleepless nights writing speeches and finalising bibliographies, but for the rest of high school, let's just say I was a pro. I knew what the teachers expected from me, I could plan out my grades and set clear goals and, on top of all of that, I had been at the same school for my whole 13 years of schooling. So, while I was a pro, I was ready to get out. Out of the routine, out of the uniform, out of the "high school drama." And while I still say I'd rather be where I am now (an anxiety filled, confused young adult) then back in that routine, I still wasn't prepared for what this world has to offer. My question is, however, are you ever prepared?

So, where am I at now, you may wonder? Or, you may not care, but as I said this is an open diary so you're welcome to tag along. Anyway, it's been just over a year since my high school graduation and, boiiiiiii did that fly by. It's almost like, in this small amount of time, I feel as if I've achieved nothing, but is that just because in the final year of schooling, for anyone, you can achieve so much? I mean finishing 13 years of something is a big deal. So, I got to thinking, what have I accomplished this year? Here we go: at the start of the year I began my first year of university, studying a Double Degree of Business and Human Services. WARNING: coarse language and distressing content—I had no clue what I was doing—I know right, how distressing is that?! But what a sh*t show that was! While I passed the first semester (I also realised a pass is all most people really care about in uni) I was extremely bored with business and while I am interested in social work I honestly just didn't know if I had the mental strength to be able to work in that field. (I want to help people, just maybe not in that way.) So, I transferred, I finished the year studying a Chemistry Bridging Course in the hopes to get into Primary Teaching. Awesome! I passed the course; I could easily get in! Just kidding...maybe I actually don't want to be a teacher. I mean, do I really wanna spend day after day in a room filled with children (beautiful but still...children...eesh)? Now I'll just pause for a moment so you can recognise the pattern of my life a year out of school. Yep! That's right! I have no f**king clue what I'm doing!

Let's not dwell on the negatives, though; how about we check out the other things I accomplished this year. Hereee we gooo: in July I managed to score a casual customer service assistant role at my local retailer. And, while that may not seem like much, money, money, moneeyyyy! I flew overseas twice and worked in the city to help with some international business conferences (which was pretty cool, I ain't gonna lie). And I've been given the opportunity to fly to Africa in January to volunteer for a couple of weeks. Now that is where that retail money comes in handy as, clearly, I love to travel, but s*it is it expensive! Anyway, in the whole scheme of things I have actually achieved a lot, I think it's just the lack of routine and lack of goals that freaks me out a little. But, I now propose another question. Will I ever get that control back or do I just have to settle with, "this is adulthood," "don't worry, no one knows what they're doing," and "the world is your oyster"?

So, yes, it is pretty awesome that the world is my oyster because it's true. I am still young and I do have a lot of opportunity lying ahead. My concern is, how do I grab that opportunity? Now I'm honestly sorry to the people who I may have misled because other articles have done the same to me. I mean, I have legitimately googled "I do not know what to study" or "what careers are good," but believe it or not, no matter how many people I ask or how many times I type that in and press search no one can answer that question but me. So, if you're like me, and have "forgotten how to life" because something like "the growing responsibilities of adulthood" are pending, just keep that in mind (that no one can answer a question that is ultimately up to you).

So now to finish with Part One of this "Unknown" series, let me try to answers my own questions or at least hook you onto what's coming next. Number one: Are you ever prepared? I believe that the world is moving so quickly, especially with the ever increasing developments in technology, that while you can think that you're prepared and try your hardest, not one person in this world knows what's coming next (or at least I don't). So I guess a goal from that question is: to take risks, (while cliché) to live life to its fullest, to learn from your mistakes, and prepare yourself for the future by learning from the past. Number two: Will I ever have control? I believe I will, life just seems very uncertain and unpredictable right now and maybe that's just because I'm young. Once I get a grasp on what my passions truly are and probably relieve myself from the retail industry, I think I'll be OK. That, my friends, teases Part Two of this "Unknown" series. Quoting the ever inspiring Rhianna, "Work, work, work, work, work," followed by yet another couple of questions by yours truly: Is the money worth it? And, is lack of money a trap?

Sorry to probably leave you all more confused with your life or at least this article then when you started but stay tuned as hopefully the "Unknown" Series will have a happy ending (or at least provide some with a sliver of entertainment).

Love from me,

Happiness to you.

Jessica